


Autumn Storms

by pommedeplume



Series: Family and Home (Poly Marauders) [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adulthood, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Black James Potter, Blow Jobs, Demisexuality, F/F, F/M, Jealousy, Korean Remus, Latina Lily, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Marijuana, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Pegging, Polyamory, Pregnancy, Queer Themes, Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Sexting, Smut, Social Anxiety, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Sirius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-07-05 01:08:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15853128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pommedeplume/pseuds/pommedeplume
Summary: (August 31-November 26, 2015)Sirius Black has never been alone. But now he's moved to a new city on his own while his boyfriend remains back at home and is dating Sirius's best friend, James Potter. Now, Sirius has never felt more alone.Meanwhile, Lily is dating her boss, Marlene McKinnon, and trying to have a baby with James.





	1. Hold Onto the Thread

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back to Poly Marauders! Thank you all for your patience.

“This is it,” the apartment manager said, flipping the switch as she lead Sirius Black inside.  
  
The apartment wasn’t especially large but it seemed nice. It was located in Portland’s Northwest district. His new job had wanted him to have something a little shabbier but he offered to cough up a bit more of his own money, recently inherited from his late mother.  
  
“Closet, right here,” the apartment manager, a pretty woman with curly blonde hair named Diane, said, opening the sliding doors just inside the apartment.  
  
“Nice,” Sirius commented.  
  
“That’s in addition to another walk-in closet,” she grinned.  
  
“Really? This is small but you’ve really made good use of the space,” Sirius observed, thinking there was no way he had enough things to fit two entire closets.  
  
She then lead him to the kitchen, which was all along one wall. The counters were very polished and white. Sirius rapped a knuckle on them, thinking they felt nice and solid, wondering if that was something he should even value. He had never exactly had his own place before.  
  
“So you’re new to Portland, right?” Diane asked as he checked out all of the cabinets, feeling grateful that he was tall and could easily reach them all.  
  
“Yeah. I’ve been living down on the coast. I got a job offer over the summer, working for a local photography company,” Sirius explained.  
  
“Oh. That’s nice. Ready for a bachelor’s life?” Diane asked, opening a door behind them which lead to the bathroom.  
  
Sirius walked into the bathroom, truly stunned by how nice everything looked. The shower wasn’t as large as he preferred but he wasn’t going to complain, especially since this was only a studio.  
  
“Umm… not exactly. This is just an internship for the fall. For now. And I’m seeing someone back home,” Sirius explained, deciding not to divulge that he was also wading into the waters of polyamory, along with his boyfriend Remus and Remus’s bff, Lily, who was herself dating Sirius’s best friend, James.  
  
She showed him the large open space that would serve as his living room and bedroom in the north of the apartment. A door lead out onto a balcony that had a fantastic view of Northwest Portland.  
  
“Nice view, huh?” Diane said behind him.  
  
“Yeah,” Sirius admitted.  
  
“Ready to come sign the paperwork?” she asked.  
  
“I think I am,” Sirius said.  
  
He walked with her, back to the office, and they wrapped everything up there. He had handled as much from back home as he could but some things still needed signing and going over. Once that was complete he took his keys and went into his now empty apartment.  
  
A bed was being delivered in a few hours and he would find some other furniture but was concerned about getting too settled in. He was going to be returning in a few months anyway.  
  
He set his keys on the kitchen counter with a sigh. He still needed to bring his things up. But for now he was tired. It was hard to believe that just eight hours before he had said farewell to Remus.  
  
Sirius wandered northward through the apartment and walked out onto the balcony. Portland looked lovely and green in the late summer. There was something so alluring about it. He wasn’t sure if it was nostalgia for San Francisco but he didn’t think so. It was something else. Something that whispered in his ear _This could be home if you let it_.  
  
Sirius gulped and quickly went back inside the apartment. He closed all the blinds then dropped to the floor next to the back door, leaning back against the wall. 

  
He pulled his phone out of his pocket. There was a text from Remus, sent just a few minutes before:

  
  
  
_I miss you_

  
  
  
Sirius smiled, surprised by the pain in his chest, and replied:

  
  
  
**I miss you too**

  
  
  
Sirius’s hand fell to the floor, his arm suddenly feeling heavy as tears filled his eyes, the gravity of his new reality sinking in. He was here and Remus wasn’t.

* * *

“OK. First chapter done,” Remus whispered to himself, glancing at the time.  
  
It was almost nine. Remus had an odd moment of thinking Sirius had somehow driven across the country, back to New Hampshire where they had spent part of the summer. The brain was funny that way. But no… his boyfriend was a mere six hours away.  
  
Remus snorted. Six hours? What did it matter to him? Remus didn’t drive. Six hours, an hour or a hundred hours, it all sounded too far.  
  
Remus went to Google Maps on his laptop, looking to see how long it would take him to travel up to Portland with public transportation. Eleven hours. He looked up the price of tickets and nearly fainted.  
  
The notion of traveling with strangers for so long and paying so much money seemed almost unthinkable. Sure, it was possible Sirius might considering paying for him, but even if Remus could manage the trip up with his anxiety, he would still have to deal with the guilt of someone spending so much money on him.  
  
Remus closed Google Maps, deciding not to think about it. Sirius wasn’t going to be gone that long. He would be back home in a manner of months. They could talk online and do video chats. Their relationship could still continue.  
  
And he had his burgeoning relationship with James to help keep him busy. Remus was excited and nervous about that. Not too long ago Remus thought the notion of himself having a relationship with one person, let alone multiple people, seemed ridiculous. But now he had one sort of serious boyfriend and another boyfriend who he was still testing the waters with.  
  
And then there was his best friend, Lily. Though she was very experienced in polyamory, having been dating at least two people at any given time for the last six years, for Remus this was all new. He knew that he and Lily had a mutual attraction, but what that would end up amounting to in the long run he really couldn’t be certain.  
  
Remus’s belly rumbled. He wondered if it would be safe to creep down to the kitchen. He wasn’t certain if everyone, meaning James, Lily, their friend Peter and Lily’s partners, Mary and Dorcas who had just moved in this morning, were still downstairs hanging out.  
  
Remus walked to the attic door, slowly opened it and peeked out. To his surprise James Potter was walking up the stairs. He stopped and grinned up at Remus. He was a tall, lean man in glasses with dark skin and black hair that always seemed to need a good combing.  
  
“Hey, man. Coming down to join us?” James asked, approaching casually, hands stuffed in the pockets of his shorts.  
  
“Uhhh,” Remus uttered, feeling uncomfortable.  
  
“I’m kidding,” James revealed, now in front of the short set of stairs up into the attic.  
  
“I was thinking of getting something to eat but if everyone is still down there…”  
  
“I could bring you something up if you wanted. I was just coming up to pee since Peter has been in the bathroom downstairs for like half an hour.”  
  
Remus laughed.  
  
“You don’t have to do that. I’m a grown up. I should be able to get myself food.”  
  
“Maybe. But I would still do it,” James winked, Remus feeling himself blush.  
  
James took one of Remus’s hands in one of his own and lifted it to his mouth, planting a soft kiss on the top of it. Remus giggled, feeling himself flush.  
  
“I’m really looking forward to getting to know you better,” James revealed.  
  
“M-Me too. I mean… you. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better too.”  
  
“Can I kiss you?” James asked.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
James moved up a step and Remus leaned down into his mouth, holding his breath as their lips moved together. He exhaled as they parted, realizing he was already nostalgic for their make out sessions from that summer at the cottage in New Hampshire.  
  
“Damn. Now I don’t want to go back downstairs,” James admitted.  
  
“Heh,” Remus chuckled.  
  
James sighed and looked behind him.  
  
“But I guess I shouldn’t be rude. But I meant what I said about food, man. I’ll bring you whatever you want. Hell, I’ll make you a four-course meal.”  
  
“Nah. I think I’m good to sneak down for something. Thanks, though.”  
  
“No problem,” James said, patting Remus on the forearm then stepped back down, heading into the bathroom.

* * *

 

**Guess what I’m doing?**  
  
  
  
_What’s that?_  
  
  
  
**I am standing naked in my kitchen.**  
  
  
  
_Nice!_  
  
  


  
Sirius lifted his phone up and took a picture at an angle that didn’t actually show much nudity, giving just a hint, before sending it to his boyfriend.

  
  
  
  
**Here’s something to help you sleep tonight ;)**  
  
  
  
_Dammnn. Ugh. More like something to keep me awake ;)_

  
  
  
  
Sirius grinned and bit his lip. Mission accomplished, he thought. This wasn’t so bad after all. He had gotten himself a little down in the dumps earlier but it was definitely just a fluke. He could totally make this long distance thing work.

  
  
  
  
_Man, on top of you and James… I’m really getting some ideas._

  
  
  
  
Sirius froze, feeling that odd sick feeling in his chest. He shook his head, dismissing it.

  
  
  
  
**Oh?**  
  
  
  
_Yeah._

  
  
  
  
Sirius snickered and sauntered around to his bedroom. His bed had been delivered a few hours before and he had managed to fix his sheets and blankets well enough. It wasn’t perfect but there wasn’t anyone around to tell him otherwise, so who gave a fuck?

  
  
  
  
**What kind of ideas?**

  
  
  
  
Sirius damn well knew what kind of ideas but of course getting Remus to admit it was half the fun.

  
  
  
  
_You know what kind ;)_  
  
  
  
**Are you hard?**  
  
  
  
_Very. Wanna see?_  
  
  
  
**PLEASE**

  
  
  
  
Sirius laughed, feeling himself blush as he waited in anticipation. Less than a minute later he received a picture of Remus lying back on his bed, dick in his hand, his phone angled above, held up high so as to get as much of him in the frame as possible. Remus always looked so sweet and angelic in his photos, though Sirius had learned that there was a lot more mischief in Remus than met the eye.

  
  
  
  
**Lookin’ good.**  
  
  
  
_Thanks_

  
  
  
  
Sirius thought he should repay the kindness, moving a hand between his legs, his thighs spread. He saw no reason to make himself look pretty and took a closeup of his fingers shaped like a V with his clit between them. He hit send without any further clarification.  
  
“There that’ll have him nutting in seconds,” Sirius said proudly.  
  
He touched himself as he waited for Remus’s reply, thinking of how strange he would’ve found this even a year ago. For many years Sirius assumed he had no interest in sex or romance. Certainly, physically his libido had always been through the roof but the notion of being sexual with another person never really crossed his mind until Remus. But once he had become involved with Remus he could hardly stop himself from fantasizing about him, even though he still couldn’t picture himself ever wanting to have sex all of the time.  
  
He felt a bit odd about his sexuality until he did some reading online and found some labels he found fit himself. He thought demisexual and demiromantic fit him well enough. He wasn’t a weirdo. There were other people like him out there.

  
  
  
  
_Wow_

  
  
  
  
Sirius grinned at Remus’s reply. It had barely been a day since their last fun sexy time together. Sirius had wished for a very special goodbye since they wouldn’t be seeing each other much for the time being.  
  
Sirius took another picture, this time of just his face while he continued to touch himself down below. Remus quickly sent a picture of his own face in response, Sirius sending back an array of heart emojis in response.  
  
Sirius got an idea and lifted the phone above his face and started recording video.  
  
“Hey. Thought I would send you something special. I just wanted to say… how much I miss you… and wish that you were here. Mmm. I’m so wet. I can’t stop thinking about you…. And how it feels when you touch me.”  
  
Sirius closed his eyes, still recording as he stroked himself. This wouldn’t take long, especially as he knew how much it would turn Remus on to see him come.  
  
“I’m close. I’m really close. Fuck.”  
  
The tension built until he could barely stand it, finally releasing in wave of pleasure as he moaned into the camera. Remus was still sending him texts. For all he knew he had already came. Still shuddering, Sirius stopped recording and hit send on the video

  
  
  
  
**U still there?**  
  
  
  
_I’m trying not to come._  
  
  
  
**Yeah, I’m here. Sent you a little something ;)**

  
  
  
  
Sirius gave himself a moment to cool off as he awaited Remus’s response. Remus was silent several minutes before a video popped up in their chat. He hit play and began to touch himself again as he watched Remus stroking himself, holding the camera out to the side so that only half of his long, thick shaft showed up in the frame.  
  
He couldn’t really hold the camera still but Sirius didn’t mind, watching with bated breath, studying every twitch and movement Remus’s face made leading up to the beautiful moment when he grunted, letting out a quiet moan as his hips slightly bucked and he ejaculated onto his belly.  
  
Remus smiled at the camera, breathing hard as the video ended. Sirius set the phone down, and continued stroking himself, replaying the image of Remus coming in his mind as he built himself back up to a second climax that he was almost certain was better than the first.

  
  
  
  
**I came again. Thanks.**  
  
  
  
_Np. I cleaned up._  
  
  
  
**Hehe. You make such a mess.**  
  
  
  
_It’s your fault!_  
  
  
  
**That’s fair.**  
  
  
  
_I do miss you, though._  
  
  
  
**I miss U too. I should get some sleep. Gotta check out my new job in the morning.**  
  
  
  
_OK. Night night. I love you <3_  
  
  
  
**I love you too <3**

  
  
  
  
Sirius plugged his phone in and set it down on his night stand. No, this was going to be fine. They still had a connection. If he could just hold onto that thread they would be fine.  
  
He got up to pee and put on his PJs before returning to the bed, sliding under the covers and turning out the light. He did wish Remus was there with him. They could really take advantage of the privacy.  
  
Sirius supposed he could go out and date but he had never done anything like that before. The idea of going out and meeting people sounded stupid and annoying. But then he thought of Remus and James being together and he started to get a little anxious.  
  
“That’s fucking stupid,” he told himself, frustrated by his own apparent jealousy.  
  
What did it matter? Why should it matter? It wasn’t like James was going to make Remus stop loving Sirius. And he had his own girlfriend so it wasn’t like he needed Remus all to himself.  
  
It was all bullshit. This was just what the heteropatriarchy wanted him to feel, shoving monogamy down everyone’s throats. This wasn’t innate. He had been programmed to feel this.  
  
But that doesn’t mean it’s not real, he realized. He lightly thumped his bed with a fist, knowing he wasn’t going to get much sleep tonight after all.

* * *

“No pill tomorrow,” Lily said, smacking James’s bare ass as he walked past her, hopping onto the bed.  
  
“No pill,” James echoed, a hand wrapped around his cock and looking gorgeous as usual.  
  
“You’re still sure? Your last chance to back out,” Lily pointed out.  
  
James shook his head.  
  
“I’m all-in. We’re gonna make a baby.”  
  
“Oh, but it’ll be so much work. Like, ugh, you’re gonna have to have so much sex! How will you survive?” Lily snorted as she climbed onto the bed.  
  
“One day at a time. Actually… do we literally have to have sex every day?” James asked, Lily sliding next to him and bursting out into laughter.  
  
“I mean only if you want to? Really we just need to have sex when I’m ovulating but they say it’s good to have sex every other day just to cover your bases. But there are ways of checking to see if I’m ovulating.”  
  
“Ah,” James said, sounding as if he didn’t understand.  
  
“Sweet Jesus, James, please tell me you know about ovulation!” Lily asked, giving him a skeptical look.  
  
“No, no. Ovulation. I totally know about that. I mean… I don’t know like… the details but I know it’s a thing… that you do. And it makes you extra horny.”  
  
Lily blushed and shrugged.  
  
“Something like that. Anyhow, are we gonna fuck or just chat?” Lily joked, elbowing James.  
  
“Yeah. What do you want to do? I’m kind of tired,” James yawned.  
  
“We can just masturbate if you want. Save up some sperm for tomorrow,” Lily laughed.  
  
“Oh. Am I going to have to stop masturbating? Wait, what if I want to have sex with Remus. I mean… not that I definitely think we will but I guess there’s like an above zero chance that we might.”  
  
“Dude, chill. Yes, you can still masturbate. Trust me, I’ll be having to make far more lifestyle changes than you, James.”  
  
James gave her a big-toothed grin and chuckled. Lily rolled over and grabbed her favorite vibrator from her night stand, turning it on and placing it between her thighs.  
  
“Mmm,” she moaned happily.  
  
They quietly masturbated together, side by side, for several minutes before James spoke again: “Hey, Lils… I wanted to run something by you and I guess now is as good a time as any.”  
  
“Yeah. Please tell me it’s like about sex and not like… you want to repaint the bathroom or something, I swear to God, James.”  
  
“No. Nothing like that. I guess I’ve been thinking. Like… I masturbate and I think about me and Remus. God, is that weird to say, right now?”  
  
“No? That’s hot.”  
  
“Oh. OK. Cool. Yeah, anyhow. Like at first I thought I would be turned on thinking about fucking him in the ass but then like… I started thinking about him fucking me in the ass. And…then I started thinking about you playing with my ass.”  
  
Lily looked over at him. He looked embarrassed.  
  
“You want me to play with your ass?” Lily asked.  
  
“I mean not right now but like… yeah. That would be cool,” James admitted.  
  
“Yeah, I’ll play with your ass,” Lily replied, turning the speed of her vibrator up, turned on by James’s request.  
  
“Thanks. You’re the best,” James said, his hazel eyes giving her a once over.  
  
“I know,” she said, giving him a wink just as she came, her toes curling as she swore.  
  
James’s stroking grew frantic and he moaned hard as he came, shooting up his torso, Lily still shuddering from her own orgasm. By the time her climax had subsided, James was desperately trying to clean himself up with tissues.  
  
“It’s times like this that make me want to shave all the hair from my body,” James complained.  
  
“Oh, don’t do that. I like you nice and hairy,” Lily said, a finger stroking the coarse hairs of his belly.  
  
James chuckled as he tossed the tissues in the trash.  
  
“So, you were umm… for real about the playing with my ass thing, right?” James asked.  
  
“Oh, honey, if you don’t know me by now. Like, I guess I probably have a limit, but broadly I’m down for probably anything you could come up with.”  
  
“Well, you see I had this idea about covering you in cream cheese-“  
  
“Vegan cream cheese!” Lily corrected.  
  
“Yes, yes. Vegan cream cheese. Anyhow, I’ll cover you in vegan cream cheese then dress up like a bagel. If that doesn’t get you pregnant I don’t know what will,” James grinned, looking pleased with himself.  
  
Lily rolled her eyes.  
  
“Shut the fuck up and go to sleep,” Lily chuckled, turning out the light.

 

 

 


	2. Family Reunion

The office for Brew and Roses, the website Sirius was going to be interning for, was even smaller than he expected. The small space had just enough room for five cubicles, one of which Sirius assumed was for himself.

“Hey, Sirius. It’s good to see you again,” his new boss, Michael Creevey said, shaking Sirius’s hand with enthusiasm.

“You too. I’m excited to get to work here,” Sirius replied.

“That’s great. I’m glad that you’re excited. I’m excited too,” Michael said, leading Sirius over to a cubicle at which a woman with short, natural hair sat, furiously typing on her laptop, only stopping once she noticed them. She was pretty and a bit older, perhaps in her early thirties. She wore white and red flannel with blue jeans, the very picture of casual Northwest.

“Sirius, this is my lead photographer, Aurora Sinistra. You’ll be working with her a lot,” Michael explained.

“Hi,” she said, extending a dark-brown hand.

“Sirius Black,” he replied, shaking her hand.

“Cool name,” she said.

“I picked it out myself, thanks,” Sirius replied proudly, releasing her hand.

“I picked mine out too. I was younger and a bit more goth at the time but… it stuck. And trust me, my real name is boring,” she explained.

“All of my other photographers are out today but you and Aurora have a job to get to ASAP,” Michael said.

“Really? Already?” Sirius asked with surprise.

“Yeah. We’re doing a piece for the site on this rich couple who just moved into town. Sounds like they are looking to help out with Portland’s gentrification,” Michael grumbled.

“Yikes,” Sirius said.

“Yeah, it’s a real problem. But don’t go in being negative. I mean you don’t have to ask them any questions. Just take some good pictures of them. Sirius, you just go with Aurora and do whatever she tells you. If she tells you to jump into the Willamette, dammit, you do it!” Michael grinned, clearly not being serious.

“Will do,” Sirius replied.

Michael pulled out his phone and typed some stuff. Within seconds both Sirius and Aurora’s phones chimed.

“That’s the names and address of this couple. They are gonna be big names in Portland. Remember them,” Michael declared.

Sirius pulled his phone out of his pocket, his eyes going wide at the names before him.

“What’s wrong?” Aurora asked, clearly seeing the look on Sirius’s face.

Sirius laughed and shook his head, sliding his phone back in his pocket, his heart pounding.

“Everything all right?” Michael asked.

“Yeah. Just, like, what are the odds?” Sirius said, still shaking his head.

“You know these two? Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy?” Aurora probed.

“Yeah. Narcissa is my cousin,” Sirius revealed.

Michael laughed.

“Well, that’s great, isn’t it! Family reunion!” he said, slapping Sirius and Aurora on the shoulders, Aurora glaring at him in response.

“Sure,” Sirius lied, not at all looking forward to that reunion.

“OK. Well, hop to it then!” Michael said, pumping a fist, Sirius feeling he was going to tire of Michael’s enthusiasm quickly.

“Sorry about Michael,” Aurora said as they walked down the stairs from the floor the office was on.

“He is a bit much,” Sirius admitted.

“Yeah. And a bit too handsy if I’m being honest. One of these days,” Aurora said, slamming her fist into a palm.

Sirius laughed.

“That’s fair.”

“So, you are related to these rich, white assholes? Please tell me you aren’t a rich, white asshole too,” Aurora pleaded.

“I wouldn’t consider myself rich. I am white and I can be an asshole, if I’m being honest. But… I’m not like them. I kind of hate my family. Most of them, anyhow,” Sirius explained.

“That sucks. I miss my family. I’m from Oakland,” Aurora said, pushing through the door to the garage, Sirius following her to her car.

“I’m from San Francisco,” Sirius said, Aurora’s car honking as she unlocked it.

“Cool,” she said, both of them stepping into her Chevy Volt.

Once inside the car, she plugged her iPhone in and put the address into her GPS. Sirius’s cousin apparently lived in Lake Oswego, eight miles south of Portland.

“Ugh. Nearly a half hour drive in current traffic,” Aurora groaned, starting the car.

Music played over her car stereo. Sirius was fairly certain it was Frank Ocean, whom Lily was also a fan of.

“So, you’re new to Portland, right?” she asked as they pulled out of the parking garage and out into traffic.

“Yeah. I just moved up here from down on the coast.”

“Do you miss the Bay?”

“Sometimes. I was just down there recently. Umm… my mom died so I had to deal with some stuff.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Aurora said sympathetically.

“Nah. She was terrible. Maybe it makes me a terrible person… but I’m glad she’s gone,” Sirius declared.

“That’s fair. I love my parents. They’re great. My dad is Mexican. He’s originally from SoCal. My mom is black and she’s always lived in the Bay area,” Aurora informed him.

“Cool. Umm… My family came from England originally. We’re white… Really white, I guess,” Sirius apologized, making Aurora laugh.

Frank Ocean continued to play as they passed over the Willamette River via the Broadway Bridge before turning south onto I-5 towards the lake town south of Portland his cousin now resided in.

“So, what’s your cousin like?” Aurora asked.

Sirius grunted.

“Stuck up. Thinks she’s better than everyone else. Pretends to be a liberal for appearances but really she’s just a money grubbing capitalist like her dickhead husband.”

“Wow. Tell me how you really feel,” Aurora laughed, making Sirius smirk.

“I’ve only met him once, right before I ran away from home. They had just got married. He kept staring at me. Made me uncomfortable. I guess Narcissa told him I was trans. Only a few people in my family knew.”

“Being closeted to your family is the worst. I’ve still got some aunts and uncles that don’t know I’m bi,” Aurora related.

“I suppose everyone knows about me now, unless my mom tried to hush it up. But at a Christmas party around the same time Narcissa married Lucius, someone, possibly her sister Bellatrix, outed me.”

“That’s bullshit. I’m sorry, man,” Aurora said, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“Thanks. I wonder what happened to Bellatrix. She went off and joined a cult. Made she drank the Kool-Aid. Every last drop,” Sirius grumbled.

“Damn. That’s cold. I mean, fuckin’ fair, but cold.”

“Fuck her.”

Aurora snickered as they continued down to Lake Oswega, where Aurora informed Sirius some of Portland’s wealthier denizens lived. Lucius and Narcissa lived in a mansion on the lake that was accessed by a gated private road.

“Woo boy, this shit right here is fancy,” Aurora commented.

“It is a bit. Narcissa is doing well for herself. You wouldn’t know she was only five years older than me.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-one.”

Aurora bit her lip and shook her head.

“Damn. You’re a baby. I’m thirty-one.”

“Wow. Old as fuck,” Sirius snarked, giving her a mischievous grin.

“Damn. That tongue of yours is gonna get you into trouble,”

“I do all right,” Sirius winked as they walked towards the substantially sized mansion.

“I bet you do.”

Sirius looked up at the sky. Summer was still lingering in Oregon.

“Nice day,” Sirius observed as they approached the front door.

“Won’t be long until the clouds come back and the sun goes away,” Aurora countered.

“That’s fine. I thrive in gloom,” Sirius said, knocking on the door, ready to give his cousin an unpleasant surprise.

The door opened, revealing a tall, sneering man with blond hair and a cane.

“You’re the photographers,” Lucius Malfoy stated with boredom.

“Yep,” Sirius replied, giving Aurora a pleased glance as he realised that Lucius didn’t recognize him.

“Follow me,” Lucius said, sounding utterly disinterested, like he had something better he could be doing.

Sirius and Aurora stepped into the mansion, Aurora whistling, clearly impressed by the decor.

“Don’t touch anything,” Lucius warned, inspiring Sirius to briefly flip him the bird behind his back, Aurora silently laughing.

“And here’s my wife,” Lucius said, stepping out the backdoor where Narcissa at a table and sipping wine next to the pool.

“It’s not even noon and she’s drinking wine?” Aurora whispered in Sirius’s ear, making him shrug in response.

“The photographers are here, Narcissa,” Lucius declared.

Narcissa made a face then set her glass down, pulling off her sunglasses and standing up. She froze as her eyes fell upon her cousin.

“Oh. Umm… Sirius?” Narcissa uncharacteristically stumbled.

“Yes. That is my name,” Sirius clarified.

“It’s good to see you,” Narcissa obviously lied, seeming more put off than anything else.

“The feeling is mutual, I’m sure,” Sirius said, giving her a smirk.

Narcissa just sneered and followed Lucius back into the house. Sirius knew Narcissa was no doubt counting the seconds until he was gone. She was never going to be openly hostile to him and would even respect his name and pronouns but he was still one of the bad family members who she would rather not associate with.

Sometimes Sirius wondered how Narcissa had come out blonde haired in a family of dark haired people. He was oddly reminded of Ned Stark on Game of Thrones searching through the Baratheon genealogy for signs of fairer traits, though he hoped the answer in this case was a little less uncomfortable.

Lucius lead them all into their library, which was filled wall to wall with books that Sirius was certain neither of them had ever read. He and Aurora took pictures of them standing against the large bay window at the back of the room. Sirius thought this was all too audacious for him. He’d prefer a smaller, more comfortable space. A bed by a rainy window, some tea and Remus reading a book to him would be quite nice.

They took numerous photos around the house of the pair of them. Lucius said little except to make the occasional demand. Narcissa avoided looking at Sirius, his very presence seeming to discomfort her.

With all the photos Brew and Roses needed taken, Sirius and Aurora prepared for their departure. Narcissa followed them to the front door, stopping Sirius to say, “So, Andromeda said you visited her recently.”

Sirius turned around to face his cousin, trying to keep a neutral face.

“Yeah. I had to sort out things with mom’s estate,” Sirius explained.

Narcissa still didn’t meet his eyes, projecting an air of disinterest.

“How was she?”

“Good. Happy. She, Ted and Dora are doing well,” Sirius replied.

“That’s good. She’s promised she’ll visit me sometime, though I pray she leaves that child behind and that husband of hers,” Narcissa scowled.

Sirius frowned.

“Ted is a good man. He’s never done anything to you,” Sirius snapped.

Narcissa finally met his eyes and snickered.

“My sister is too good for him. She could’ve had any man she wanted. She was just trying to spite our family. She’s always had a rebellious streak.”

Sirius shrugged.

“Maybe you should look closer. I think they make a good pair. She loves him. Maybe she’s just more interested in doing what she likes than what her family wants her to do. I can relate,” Sirius said firmly.

Narcissa snorted.

“I bet you can,” she replied with pointed glance.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Narcissa sneered.

“Don’t be vulgar. You don’t want my husband to hear you,” she warned.

“Fuck him. I’m not afraid of him.”

Behind him Aurora honked her horn. Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes.

“I’ve gotta go.”

“Good,” Narcissa said with a cold glare as she shut the door.

* * *

 

“So like, what’s the best position?” James asked as Lily undressed in front of him.

“Your face between my legs,” she winked.

“I mean, no arguments there but… you know what I mean. For getting pregnant.”

“Nah. I think generally you just come in me,” she replied climbing back onto the bed on her hands and knees.

“I mean it can’t be as simple as that, right? People struggle with making babies! I’ve seen lots of movies,” James pointed out.

Lily laughed.

“Dude, life isn’t a movie. Half of all pregnancies are unplanned. And a lot of those end up being aborted. It’s just one of those things were some people can do it really easy and others… not so much. We won’t know until we try.”

James looked down at his swollen cock, gripped in his palm.

“Why am I so nervous?” he asked.

Lily giggled.

“I have butterflies in my stomach. I think it’s fine to be nervous. This is a big deal,” she said, reaching up to place a hand on his cheek.

James’s face turned and he kissed her palm.

“Well, what do you want to do? Should we at least have a strategy? Maybe try different positions each time until something works?” James asked.

Lily laughed again, James’s face feeling hot against her palm.

“You are such a dork, James Potter. Again: I don’t think it really works like that. And honestly, like, I’ve only just quit the pill and I’m pretty sure I’m not ovulating. This is just getting into the habit.”

Lily moved up closer and gave James a soft kiss, hoping that would distract him enough to get him into the moment. Instead he pulled away and said, “We could make it a contest. See how many times we can fuck per week. Each week we try to set a new record.”

Lily sighed and shook her head.

“In all honesty, James, right now I’m wet, I’m ready to go. I’ve been camming all morning. I have things to do. I have work in an hour. I just… want you now and I don’t even want to think about the baby stuff. I just really want to fuck.”

James smiled at her, leaning over for an apologetic kiss.

“I feel you,” he said.

“Good. Lube that sucker up then I’m getting on top,” Lily winked, bumping her nose into his as they both giggled.

* * *

 

The house was nearly empty, James realized as he marched upstairs. Lily was at work and Peter, Mary and Dorcas were out for dinner. That just left him and Remus.

He stood in front of the steps to the attic, wondering if it would bother Remus if he knocked. If it were anyone else he wouldn’t hesitate but he knew Remus was an introvert. He didn’t want to overwhelm him.

James shrugged, deciding if Remus didn’t want to hang out with him, he could just say no, as he climbed up the steps and knocked.

“Come in,” Remus called out and James grinned, his heart pounding as he creaked open the door.

Remus was lying back on his bed, phone in his hands. He smiled as James shut the door and came over, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“How’s it going?” James asked.

Remus set his phone aside and said, “Sounds like Sirius is enjoying his new job.”

“Yeah. He told me about his cousin. How weird is that? Small world,” James replied.

“Very small,” Remus echoed.

James glanced out the window. The sun was setting. He smiled up at Remus who smiled in response then shyly looked away. In some ways James wished Sirius was here instead of himself. In other ways, he was grateful to be able to have time with Remus like this.

“So, Remus… I wanted to see if I could take you out on a date.”

“Oh?”

Remus seemed surprised though the possibility had been mentioned before. James laughed.

“Why do you seem so surprised, man?”

Remus shrugged.

“I don’t know. You’re so hot. Sirius is so hot. I don’t get it.”

“Does it matter?”

Remus shrugged again and chuckled.

“I guess it doesn’t.”

“You’re cute as fuck. We’ve been over this. Your lips, your cheek bones. Your eyes are the most perfect fuckin’ shade of brown I have ever seen. I wish you could see what we see.”

Remus grinned and snickered, avoiding James’s eyes.

“So back to my question. Let me take you out Friday night. Let me spoil you,” James suggested.

“OK. We can do that.”

“Yes!” James pumped his fist.

Remus laughed and James felt a rush of excitement.

“Man, when you smile or laugh.. It’s unreal. I love it,” James revealed.

“I like it when you smile too. James… will you kiss me?”

“You know it.”

James turned and climbed up the bed to Remus. Remus leaned up into his mouth with surprising hunger, his hand gently gripping the back of James’s neck, pulling him closer. The damn truth that James couldn’t admit is that he knew he was hot shit but still knowing that someone as cute as Remus wanted him so much made him feel soft and melty on the inside.

James slid on top of Remus, finding that neither of them were soft and melty on the outside as their groins pressed together. James had always wondered how Lily could find so much sexual energy for all her partners but here he was, having just been with Lily a few hours before and he was primed and ready to go with Remus.

“Remus… do you want to?” James asked, gazing down into Remus’s eyes.

Remus looked unsure. He kissed James again, moaning into his mouth before pulling away and saying, “No. I don’t know. I’m enjoying this part. The wanting you. Does that make sense?”

“Everything about you makes sense,” James replied and they kissed again.

“Shut up,” Remus laughed as he pulled back.

“I just want to do whatever I can to make you happy. To make you feel good, you know?” James explained.

Remus was very red and just shook his head. Remus’s phone chimed and James kissed his nose then got out of the bed. Remus checked his phone, smiling at it in a way that told him it was Sirius. He thought maybe he should feel jealous but something about it… made him happy.

“Well, I’m gonna go lay down and chill. Smoke some weed, maybe,” James said with a wave of his hand, really thinking he would have to do something about the situation in his shorts before he did any chilling.

Remus smiled at him and said, “Good night.”

“Night,” James replied and left the attic.

* * *

 

Skype connected and Remus’s smiling face appeared.

“It’s good to see you,” Sirius said, laying back on his bed, having gone furniture shopping with Aurora after work and feeling pretty tired.

“You too. You look tired,” Remus observed with a frown.

“I am. You look… cute,” Sirius replied.

Remus chuckled.

“So, how is everyone?” Sirius asked.

“I mean it’s only been a day. Lily should be home from work soon. Mary, Dorcas and Peter are still out. James came by earlier but I think he’s off smoking weed now.”

“Oh, James came by?” Sirius inquired, wanting to know what may have happened almost as much as he didn’t want to know at all.

“Yeah…” Remus said, looking uncomfortable.

Sirius felt his heart sink and his cheeks flush. Had they really done it already? Surely they hadn’t. He started to feeling anxious.

“Just for a minute. He asked me out on a date,” Remus clarified.

Sirius exhaled, feeling relieved.

“Oh, you’re going on a date?” Sirius asked, smiling though inside he felt a mess of tangles.

“Yeah. Friday,” Remus smiled.

“Cool. Make sure to give James a hug from me. Lily too… I already miss everyone so much,” Sirius replied, hoping they could just move away from the subject.

“Will do. I’m excited. About the date,” Remus said, clearly not wanting to move away from the subject.

“That’s good, that’s good,” Sirius replied.

“Are you OK?” Remus asked.

Sirius coughed.

“Yeah? I’m fine. Why?” Sirius lied.

“You seem uncomfortable.”

“Oh, no, I’m fine. Just had a long day,” Sirius replied then pretended to yawn.

Remus frowned.

“Maybe I should let you get to bed?” Remus suggested

“I mean if you want to go to bed…” Sirius replied.

“I just don’t want to keep you up since you have work in the morning.”

Sirius nodded and looked over at the clock. He did need to be awake in seven hours.

“I guess you’re right,” Sirius said sadly.

Remus also looked sad. He nodded and said, “Well, goodnight, I guess.”

“Yeah. Night night.”

Remus blew Sirius a kiss who promptly pretended to catch it, pressing the palm of his hand against his own mouth.

“Bye,” Remus said and disconnected the chat.

Sirius put away his laptop, feeling empty and dissatisfied. He was disappointed for letting the stuff between James and Remus get under his skin. He knew it wasn’t a big deal. He didn’t care. But if he didn’t care, why did it make him feel sick? Why couldn’t he turn that off?

Aurora had suggested they go out to her favorite gay bar Friday. He thought perhaps maybe he could take her up on the offer. Maybe if he could meet someone it wouldn’t be so bad.


	3. A Trio of Dates

Remus wiped away the moisture covering the bathroom mirror, considering his appearance. He had shaved before the shower so that was fine. His hair was getting a little longer than he would like. His mom had begged him to let her cut it when they were in New Hampshire that summer but he had declined. He supposed his last cut had been before his birthday, nearly six months ago.

He sighed, letting the towel wrapped around his waist, drop to the floor. His clothes were neatly folded on top of the toilet seat. He got dressed, perpetually checking himself out in the mirror. He was nervous, more nervous than he expected. It was just a date. It wasn’t such a big deal.

Remus left the bathroom and went downstairs where James Potter was lounging back on the sofa.

“Hey, man,” James said, hopping up.

“Hey. Sorry if I was slow,” Remus apologized.

“You’re fine. Fine as hell, actually,” James winked, walking up to Remus and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Remus felt himself blush as they left the house. Lily was out on a date with Marlene tonight. Who knew what Mary was up to? Peter and Dorcas would have the house to themselves, something that would certainly make them both happy, he was sure.

“I’m taking you to the best steak place in town. I can’t go there with Lily. No vegan options,” James said, as they pulled out of the drive way.

“I thought maybe you were becoming vegan,” Remus said.

James laughed.

“I want to but I guess… I’m like an addict. The longer I go without meat the more I want it,” James laughed.

“Jesus. TMI, James,” Remus snarked.

James almost howled in laughter.

“You’re funny. Has anyone ever told you that?” James said.

“Sure. Not that I’ve ever believed them,” Remus replied.

“Well, you should,” James said.

Remus’s phone chimed. A text from Sirius:

 

**How’s the date?**

 

_Fine. Only getting started._

 

**I’m on the way to a club with Aurora.**

 

_A club?_

 

**Yeah. A gay club.**

 

_Oh. Well, have fun!_

 

**Will do. ;)**

 

Remus was surprised. Clubs didn’t exactly seem like Sirius’s sort of thing. But he thought it would be good for him to get out and be social. He had been worried about Sirius, hopefully irrationally.

* * *

“It’s loud,” Sirius said.

“Hmm?” Aurora said, turning to him with a look of confusion.

“It’s loud!” Sirius said into her ear.

Aurora laughed and said, “Yeah!”

“Do people like this?” Sirius continued.

“I do. Makes my heart beat. Makes me want to dance next to someone sexy,” Aurora winked.

Sirius looked around. There were certainly a lot of attractive young people around. His eyes caught the eyes of a man who looked a little like Remus. Not-Remus smiled at him and Sirius glanced away quickly. He couldn’t flirt with a guy who looked like Remus. It would be too damn weird.

“C’mon. Let’s get some drinks,” Aurora said, leading Sirius to the bar.

Aurora surprised him by getting a straight whiskey, while he opted for a mojito. She then dragged him over to a table where some of her friends were seated. She introduced them all in quick succession but Sirius couldn’t really hear any of their names.

Across the club an athletic looking man with blond hair was glancing over at Sirius. He was at least ten years older but cute. Sirius nervously pulled out his phone, hoping he’d have a text from Remus to distract him while Aurora’s friends all talked over each other.

Sirius sent Remus a text anyway:

 

**I’m so bored. This club is annoying.**

 

Remus, naturally, didn’t respond. Sirius felt anxious but tried to push it out of his mind. He downed the rest of his drink, hoping that would help. It did help, making Sirius wonder why he didn’t do this more often.

A familiar song started to play in the club. Frank Ocean again. The blond haired man came over to their table and Sirius wished he had another drink to down.

“Hey. I’m Ludo,” the man said, standing next to the table with his hand outstretched to Sirius.

Sirius traced up Ludo’s strong, tanned arms to find his beautiful blue eyes. He looked a bit like a schoolboy, albeit one who really worked out. Sirius shook his hand and said, “I’m Sirius.”

“Really? Like the star?” Ludo asked.

“Yeah. Like the star,” Sirius echoed.

Sirius’s phone buzzed, letting him know he had a text. It was Remus.

 

_That sucks. James and I had steaks. We’re going to see a movie now. Hope your night gets better._

 

**Fat chance.**

 

“Sorry, just a… text,” Sirius said to Ludo.

“Boy trouble?” Ludo grinned.

Sirius laughed and said, “Not exactly. I think I just… don’t really fit in here.”

“Yeah, you’re way too cute for a place like this,” Ludo said, seeming proud of his own charm.

Sirius blushed, unsure what to say as Frank Ocean sang in the background.

 

_When I'm thinkin' 'bout you (Ooh, no, no, no)_

_I've been thinkin' 'bout you (You know, know, know)_

_I've been thinkin' 'bout you_

_Do you think about me still? Do ya, do ya?_

 

_Or do you not think so far ahead? (Ahead)_

_'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever (Ooh, ooh)_

 

“Thanks,” Sirius said at last.

“No problem. Can I sit down?” Ludo asked and Sirius scooted over to make room.

* * *

“I love the way wet sand feels,” Lily said, bending her toes to brush sand beneath them

“Mmm. Yeah. Though it’s not so nice when you step on a sharp rock,” Marlene said, her arm around Lily’s shoulder as they sat on the beach, watching moonlight shine on the ocean.

“Ohh, don’t do that!” Lily said.

“I try not to. I am bit clumsy though,” Marlene replied.

“Well, if you step on a rock while I’m here I’ll take good care of it,” Lily said.

Marlene laughed.

“That’s good to know. It’s getting darker. Maybe we should leave,” Marlene said.

It was also getting windy. Lily hoped a storm wouldn’t interrupt their cute little beach interlude on their date.

“I don’t want to leave! This is so nice. Just you, me, the ocean, the moon and the stars. I want to remain in tranquility,” Lily said, laying her head on Marlene’s arm.

“Aww. You’re so cute,” Marlene said.

Lily giggled and said, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Do you want to kiss me?” Marlene asked.

“Only if you want me to kiss you too,” Lily said, starting to lean towards Marlene’s mouth.

“I’ve been waiting,” Marlene replied and their lips met.

Lily had been feeling chilly but she warmed quickly, Marlene’s lips feeling so soft and welcoming. If it were James down here on the beach with her she’d be whispering in his ear, suggesting she climb on top of him for a quick fuck but not only were things with Marlene new but Marlene was also asexual, something that Lily was still learning to navigate.

Rain drops began to fall, startling them both from their sensual trance.

“Shit,” Marlene said, laughing.

“Yeah. Shit,” Lily said, standing up and looking for her shoes.

By the time they had both located their shoes, the moon was gone and it was pouring rain.

“Oh no!” Lily shouted as they dashed up to her car.

Lily raced around to her door, fumbling with the keys as they were both getting pelted with rain. She quickly got inside and unlocked Marlene’s door, the two of them laughing.

“How is my make up? Do I look like a goth who has been crying? Lily asked with a frown.

“Little bit. How about me?” Marlene said, hopefully, raising a hand to her face as if presenting it.

“Beautiful as always,” Lily said.

Marlene laughed and Lily leaned across the cab to kiss her again before pulling away and saying, “So, we’re going to your place, right?”

“Yep,” Marlene said and Lily started the ignition.

* * *

“That was fucked up,” James said.

“Yeah,” Remus replied, the two of them having just watched Ex Machina.

“I mean… I liked it. But it was fucked up,” James repeated.

James started the car and Remus pulled out his phone. Sirius had been remarkably quiet since Remus went into the movie.

 

_Out of the movie. Saw Ex Machina. You should check it out sometime._

 

It was nearly midnight, so Remus thought there was a distinct possibility that Sirius was already in bed. He yawned, realizing that he was also tired.

“Lily said she might be late getting home but I bet she won’t come home,” James said.

“Oh? What makes you say that?” Remus said.

“She seems to really like Marlene,” James said.

“Do think they’ll hookup?” Remus asked.

“I don’t know. Lily said something about Marlene being asexual but that feels… like it’s not my business,” James explained.

“Ah. Well, that’s fair,” Remus said.

“Umm… when we get home… we could hang out in mine and Lily’s room, if you wanted. We could just chill together,” James said.

“Sure. I’d like that,” Remus said.

Shortly, they pulled up to the house, getting out. Peter and Dorcas were sitting outside, smoking joints while it continued to rain all around.

“Hey, guys,” James said.

“Hey. How was your date?” Dorcas asked.

James glanced at Remus and smiled.

“Pretty good. Good steaks. Good movie. Good company,” James said, making Remus feel all fluttery inside.

“Nice. We had a good night too,” Peter winked.

“TMI, bro,” James snarked and Remus followed him inside.

Shortly, they had both changed clothes and hopped into Lily’s bed. As James slid behind him, Remus wonder if they were about to have sex. His body was certainly reacting as if that were the case, and he could faintly feel a sign that James’s body was too, brushing against his backside.

“What do you want do?” Remus asked stupidly.

James chuckled and said, “Boy, damn, you don’t want to know. But if I’m being for real, honestly this is nice. No pressure.”

James kissed Remus’s back, giving him chills. Remus thought of Sirius. If it weren’t for Sirius he would be all over James right now. Something in the back of his mind told him that Sirius wasn’t as OK as he was pretending. What if he moved too fast and Sirius couldn’t take it?

“Maybe we can just talk… Like… what do you think about… when think about me?” Remus asked.

“Everything. I think about this… I think about holding you. I think about other stuff. You can use your imagination, I’m sure,” James said, draping an arm on Remus’s thigh.

“What if I don’t want to use my imagination?” Remus asked.

“Oh. All right, then. Well… I’m really curious about anal,” James said.

“Me too. Wait… giving or receiving?” Remus asked.

Remus could definitely feel James’s erection pressing against his ass now, the throb of his own cock making it difficult to focus.

“Hmm. Both? Though, mostly receiving if I’m being honest. Lily’s actually getting a strap-on especially for that,” James said.

“Yeah, I’m more keen on receiving but I’m down for giving too,” Remus said, finding the image of James’s ass sticking up, ready for Remus’s cock to be very appealing.

“Nice,” Remus said, noticing that James’s hand was gently gripping his thigh.

Something was going to have to give here, but Remus wasn’t sure what. Then he had an idea.

“God. I’m hard as a fucking rock,” Remus laughed.

“Me too. What do you want to do about it?” James asked.

“I’m thinking… what if we just touch ourselves. No need to move too fast, right?” Remus suggested.

“You wanna watch me jack off? Well… sure,” James said and Remus rolled onto his back.

James had pulled down his boxers fast, grinning like he just won the lottery as he started stroking his thick cock. Remus pulled his pyjamas down more slowly, watching as James’s hazel eyes focused on his groin. They widened as he fully exposed his cock, his mouth also falling open.

Remus laughed and said, “I’ve seen that look before.”

“Sorry. It’s just… Wow. That’s… wow,” James said.

Remus started stroking, enjoying the potency of James’s gaze.

“Your cock looks nice too,” Remus offered honestly.

“Thanks. I’ve had some good reviews,” James winked and Remus laughed.

“So, you’d be into me fucking your ass?” Remus asked.

“Yeah. Umm… maybe with some practice. That’s like advanced level there,” James said, nodding at Remus’s cock.

“Fair enough. I’d definitely let you fuck my ass. As long as you’re gentle and take it slow,” Remus said.

Remus pulled his hand off his cock, grunting as he nearly came from thinking about James fucking him in the ass.

“You OK?” James asked.

“Yeah. Almost came. Guess it’s been a few days,” Remus said, not really sure how long it had been.

“Oh. I had sex with Lily this morning. We’re supposed to go like every day but… she’s insatiable,” James said then added, “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Fair enough,” Remus said.

“Is that weird? Talking about Lily, I mean,” James said.

“I don’t know. I guess but it doesn’t bother me,” Remus said.

“Ah OK,” James replied.

“I don’t think I can hold on much longer. I’m getting tired,” Remus said.

“Oh yeah? Well, fuckin’ come then. I wanna watch it,” James said.

“OK. Mmm… Yeah. Yeah… Ohhhhh, fuck!” Remus moaned, getting hit by a toe curling orgasm as a thick stream of come spurt onto his chest.

Still coming, Remus looked over at James who was now stroking himself hard, his head rolling back.

“Don’t come. Let me finish you,” Remus said.

“Finish me?” James asked.

“Can I suck it?” Remus asked.

“Yeah. Be my guest,” James smiled.

Remus knew he wasn’t fully recovered but he desperately wanted James to come in his mouth. He quickly moved between James’s legs, pushing his mouth over the head of James’s cock and sucking hard.

“Oh! Fuck!” James called out, almost certainly audible to anyone who might be upstairs.

Remus stroked the shaft with a hand but mostly focused his energy on sucking. James seemed to be in quite a state.

“I can’t hold on. I’m gonna, Remus. Shit!” James moaned and Remus felt his cock flex against his tongue, warm salty fluid spilling onto his tongue.

“Oh, ho, ho. Damn! Mmm,” James continued to grunt and moan, Remus feeling very pleased with his own skills.

Before long, James nudged Remus off and Remus took a moment to clean up as best he could. Then he was back in the bed, making out with James.

“You’re so beautiful. So perfect. I love you,” James said, sounding tired.

“You too,” Remus said, thinking this night had gone well.

He had checked for updates from Sirius but it was well after midnight now. He was definitely asleep.

* * *

“Yeah, you should come to New York with me sometime. My company will pay for a guest,” Ludo Bagman said, leaning against Sirius’s kitchen counter.

Sirius wondered just how the fuck it had come to this. He would love to have been able to say that he’d simply been too drunk but the truth was he only ever had the one drink and he was the one who foolishly invited Ludo back to his place. If he had just heard from Remus he wouldn’t have done that.

The two of them had danced for a while at the club. Aurora left with one of her friends. Ludo had merely asked for his number. Sirius had given him far more than that. Now the two of them had been chatting for an hour, both of them knowing where this was probably going.

Ludo was, to his credit, nothing but a gentleman so far. He had never even brought up sex. Still he was twelve years older than Sirius. A thirty-three year old man knew what he was in for. Maybe he wasn’t going to push for it but he probably had a clue that he was going to get laid.

Sirius had been concerned about a cis gay man reacting poorly to him being trans so he had casually brought it up in conversation earlier at the club. Ludo had replied that he had dated trans guys before, perhaps sensing Sirius’s fear.

Ludo wasn’t remotely Sirius’s type but he was here and he was good looking and experienced. If the sex was good then surely he would be able to get the images of his best friend fucking his boyfriend out of his mind. He would give anything to get them out of his head at this point.

“Maybe. That could be fun. But I was thinking more about tonight,” Sirius said, sauntering over to Ludo like some sort of fucking cliche.

“Oh. OK,” Ludo said and Sirius started kissing him, his fingertips grazing over the zipper of his jeans.

Sirius thought Ludo must think himself so lucky. He’s barely had to put forth any effort at all. Sure, he’d been charming enough but Sirius had been the one making the moves.

“So… are you are a top or bottom? I’m a switch so it’s all good,” Ludo said.

“Uhhh. I don’t know. I don’t think I care. I just want to get off,” Sirius said.

“I can work with that,” Ludo said and cupped Sirius between his legs.

Sirius moaned, feeling guilty and turned on.

* * *

Lily opened her eyes. Early morning light was coming in through the windows of Marlene’s home. Lily was still on the sofa, her head in Marlene’s lap. At her feet, Marlene’s cat Tuvok slept. Lily really needed to pee but didn’t want to wake either of them.

Deciding she couldn’t ignore nature, Lily slowly got up. Tuvok made some unhappy mews and Marlene said, “Are you leaving?”

“No. I just need to pee,” Lily said.

“Oh. OK,” Marlene said, sleepily.

To her surprise, once she was out of the bathroom Marlene was up in the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” Lily asked.

“Making breakfast. Are you hungry?” Marlene asked.

“Oh. Yeah, kinda. Man, I’m never up this early,” Lily said then painfully yawned and stretched.

“I’ve always been an early riser,” Marlene grinned, getting things out of her cupboards.

“Do you want some help?” Lily asked.

“No. This one is on me. Just sit down,” Marlene said.

“OK. Umm… thanks for all of this, Marlene. Our date. The beach. Letting me sleep with you on your couch. This has been nice,” Lily said.

“No problem,” Marlene replied and Lily gave her a kiss on the cheek.

* * *

The first thing Sirius noticed when he awoke was that he was alone in bed. He checked his phone. He had several messages from Remus, seeming worried about him and letting Sirius know he had stayed the night with James. Sirius set his phone down, feeling weak.

“Ludo?” Sirius asked, sliding out of bed.

Sirius was still naked. He needed a shower. He’d had sex last. Sex with a stranger. It had been good, physically speaking but strange in all other aspects.

There was no sign of Ludo. Just a note left on the kitchen counter that said _Thanks_. Sirius flipped the note over. No number. He had never even gotten Ludo’s number.

“I’m never going to hear from him again,” Sirius stated to no one in surprise.

Sirius felt so angry. Not angry that he got used, after all he had been using Ludo too. He was angry that he was such a pathetic cliche. He was angry that he was letting this James and Remus thing get under his skin. He just needed to put it out of his mind.

Sirius reached into a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Merlot he had bought a few days before. He was grateful it had a twist cap, making it easy to open and pour without any fuss. He should’ve just gotten drunk and come home and passed out the night before.

Angry tears poured down his face as he sipped the wine, wanting so badly to forget the night before.

 

 


	4. Autumn Arrives

Sirius stared out at the rain as it fell over Portland. Autumn had come, bringing with it cooler air and soft showers. Autumn suited the Pacific Northwest well. It suited him well too. It had always been his favorite season.

Autumn had meant he was going back to school which meant less time spent with his parents. After a long summer, the relief of being away from home was always desirable. And that was before he had met James Potter.

Several weeks had passed since the debacle with Ludo Bagman. He had been back to the club with Aurora several times and hadn’t seen Ludo again. He didn’t live here after all. He had said as much.

Sirius didn’t know why it bothered him so much. He didn’t even _like_ Ludo. He had just used him for a distraction. And Ludo had used him for a fuck. Seemed fair in retrospect.

Things with Remus and James seemed to be progressing back at home. Sirius was fine with it. Whenever it started to bother him, he just had a drink. It wasn’t a problem, though. He didn’t drink before or during work. It was under control. A problem isn’t a problem if you have control of it, he told himself.

Sirius’s cell rang and he answered it.

“Hey, James,” Sirius said.

“Hey, buddy,” James replied.

“How’s it going?” Sirius asked.

“Fine. I was just thinking… I really want to come up and see you,” James said.

“Oh? Not too busy making babies?” Sirius chuckled.

“Uh, not this week. But aside from that…I miss you. I haven’t seen you in weeks and I have nothing to do this weekend,” James replied.

Sirius wanted to ask if he would bring Remus but another part of him thought knowing that James and Remus were separated might make that feeling go away for a few days.

“Well, I’ll certainly have you. You can sleep on my couch. I’ve been getting furniture,” Sirius said.

“How can you afford that?” James asked.

Sirius still hadn’t told anyone that his mother had strangely left him over a million dollars in her will and that he didn’t even really need this job. It was only one little secret.

“Don’t worry about that,” Sirius said, choosing to push it aside rather than openly lie.

“Whatever. I’ll head out from the cove tomorrow night. Should get there around midnight,” James said.

Sirius had been planning on going to the club Friday night but he supposed he would have to cancel.

“All right. Anything else?” Sirius asked.

“No. Are you OK, man?” James asked.

“Never better. I just need to get to work,” Sirius said.

“Oh. Well, OK. I’ll see you tomorrow night then,” James said and they both hung up.

* * *

 

“I can’t believe I’ve almost been in this town for a year. Feels longer. And shorter,” Lily said, standing in front of a large window at Marlene’s bookstore as it rained outside.

“Are you used to the rain?” Marlene asked.

“Yes and no. It rained a lot back home. Not as much as here but still. The summer was good. When autumn comes I always feel like I should’ve made better use of all the sunshine. But this year was good. Next summer we should go to a beach somewhere. All of us, including you,” Lily said, turning to Marlene and smiling.

Marlene snorted.

“With any luck you’ll be preggers by then,” Marlene said.

“Right. Maybe. I hope so,” Lily said, gripping the broom she was holding and getting back to sweeping.

“Worst thing about summer ending for me, is that tourist season is over. Business is going to be rubbish until spring,” Marlene complained.

“Maybe we should… do something to spice things up. Bring in new customers!” Lily said excitedly.

“Oh? Like what?” Marlene asked.

“Ummm… Theme events. You could go _all out_ for Halloween. I love Halloween. Have I mentioned that?” Lily said.

“You have. A few times,” Marlene winked.

“So, like you put out some spooky books and stuff. And decorate it to the nines. And we could wear costumes,” Lily explained, extravagantly gesturing with open arms.

“I usually do that for the week before Halloween. I mean I just put some books in the window displays that seem appropriate and and I dress up for the actual day,” Marlene replied.

“No, no, no! Trust me. We put on, like, Halloween songs. I have an entire _epic_ playlist we can use! And maybe costumes for all of October isn’t practical but we could do little things. Like wear witch hats! And look, I already have a broom,” Lily said, proudly holding the broom aloft.

“I don’t think witches ride brooms like that one,” Marlene smirked.

Lily rolled her eyes and said, “You’re no fun!”

“No fun? Does that mean I should cancel our date for tomorrow night?” Marlene asked.

Lily’s mouth hung open and she laughed.

“Don’t be so silly. That’s my job,” Lily winked.

“Maybe so. Maybe so,” Marlene said, giving her a warm glance as Lily went back to sweeping, feeling herself blush.

Falling in love really was a beautiful thing.

* * *

 

The door to Sirius’s apartment opened and James smiled, immediately overwhelmed by the sight of his recently distant brother.

“Sirius!” James said and quickly embraced him.

“James,” Sirius softly replied.

“You’ve been drinking,” James noted.

“Not really. I had a glass of wine earlier,” Sirius replied as James pulled away.

“Well, hopefully you saved some for me, buddy,” James grinned, patting Sirius on the shoulder.

“Of course,” Sirius replied, leading him over to the kitchen.

Sirius pulled out a couple of large wine glasses and an already open bottle, pouring the wine with a smile.

“Geez. That’s a lot of wine. Trying to get me drunk already?” James said, with a crooked smile and a tilted head.

“Just ready to cut loose. I was planning on going out tonight so I’m owed a little,” Sirius smirked as he sipped.

“Personally, I prefer beer but this isn’t bad,” James said.

“I’ve got beer. And vodka. And rum. And maybe some other stuff,” Sirius grinned.

“Jesus. Do you have a lot of people over?” James asked.

Sirius shrugged.

“Not really. But you never know,” Sirius replied, walking over to the sofa.

“Have you made a lot of friends?” James asked, sitting down next to Sirius.

“A few. Mostly my co-worker, Aurora. She’s cool. And I’ve met some of her friends,” Sirius said.

“Everyone really misses you,” James said, trying not to frown.

Sirius only nodded so James added, “Especially Remus.”

“That’s good,” Sirius replied, as if James had just told him the weather was going to be good next week.

“This place is pretty nice. This furniture must have cost you,” James observed.

“Yeah. It did,” Sirius said.

James thought Sirius must have got more money from his mother’s inheritance than he was letting on but didn’t want to push him on it.

“You’re not planning on staying here, are you?” James asked.

Sirius shrugged and said, “What if I am?”

James set his glass down on the coffee table, and turned to face Sirius.

“Then we would all need to have a conversation about it, I would think,” James said, furrowing his brow.

Sirius laughed and slapped James on the shoulder.

“Lighten up, man. I’ll be back. It’s just an autumn internship. A foot in the door,” Sirius said proudly.

“But what about after that? Don’t get me wrong… I’ve been thinking about it too. I’ve been working on a game demo. I want to show it to some people,” James said.

“Can’t do that down on the coast,” Sirius pointed out.

“I know. If it weren’t for Lily and Remus… I’d probably move to Seattle after I’m done with school,” James said.

“Seattle. Yeah. I could see that,” Sirius said.

“Can’t leave Lily, though. Especially not with us having a baby,” James said, sipping his wine.

“So, take her with you,” Sirius said.

James laughed.

“You must be out of your mind. I can’t make Lily leave her own home,” James shook his head.

“Why not? I mean you don’t have to make her. It’s called a compromise, Potter. Besides, it would be good for everyone. I know Remus would come. He loves Seattle,” Sirius said.

“That’s true. I don’t know. I’ll think about it,” James replied.

“I’m sure you’ll do the right thing,” Sirius said.

James huffed.

“Doing the right thing… I haven’t always been good at that. I have tried, though. God knows, I’ve tried. I just… want to keep my family close,” James said.

Sirius smiled at him, the pride of a grateful brother on his face.

* * *

 

“What’s up, Remus?” Lily asked.

Remus jumped and turned around in a start, Lily laughing in response.

“Jesus. You scared me,” Remus said, his heart slamming in his chest as he leaned back against the kitchen island.

“Sorry,” Lily smirked.

“Um, anyhow… I’m fine. Just been up all night doing edits. This new version of Reliquary of Blood is coming along well. And it’s fun. Turning it into something new,” Remus smiled, starting to relax again.

“Awesome. I can’t wait to read it,” she said, approaching and giving him a hug.

“I’m gonna have to go up to Seattle at some point,” Remus said.

“Oh, we can all road trip up there!” Lily said, squeezing Remus tighter.

“Yeah, maybe. I just need to meet with the publishers in person. It’s not really a big deal. They aren’t huge or anything,” Remus explained as Lily released him.

Lily stepped back, crossing her arms.

“Well, maybe you’ll put them on the map. Your book will be huge. Suddenly you’ll be drowning in money,” Lily joked.

Remus chuckled and shook his head.

“I think you have an inflated idea of how much money novelists make. And anyway… this story is pretty niche,” Remus said.

“50 shades was trash, look how it did,” Lily said.

“Sometimes things are successful _because_ they are trash, Lily,” Remus countered.

Lily frowned and nodded.

“Can’t argue with that. But sometimes things are successful because they are good,” Lily winked, then circled over to cabinets next to the sink.

“So, what are your plans for today?” Remus asked.

“Work. And then more work. And then a date with Marlene,” Lily grinned, biting her lip with excitement for that last part.

“I’m going to sleep… and then write more. And then sleep. Somewhere in there I’ll make time for missing Sirius,” Remus said then yawned.

“I miss Sirius too. I haven’t wanted to whine about it and seem like I was insensitive but… I do miss him,” Lily said, frowning at the bowl she was holding in her hands.

“I don’t think it’s insensitive. You’ve known him just as long as I have,” Remus replied.

“Yeah. I suppose I have,” Lily said, setting the bowl down on the counter.

“I’m jealous of James,’ Remus admitted.

“You know if you had asked to come along James would’ve said yes,” Lily said.

Remus shrugged.

“They’ve been best friends for years. They’ve never been away from each other for this long. I think he’s earned some time alone with him,” Remus smiled.

Lily looked impressed with Remus and said, “You’re a good guy, Remus.”

“I try,” Remus said softly then said, “OK. I’m going to bed. Good night… morning.”

“Night, Remus,” Lily said, sticking her tongue out at him as he waved then left the kitchen.

* * *

 

“I feel like we should’ve brought an umbrella,” James said as the rain fell down on them on their way to Powell’s City of Books.

“Maybe. It’s not like we’re gonna melt,” Sirius snarked.

“I migh. You can’t prove that I won’t,” James said then added, “I can see why you like it here, though.”

“Because it’s dreary?” Sirius joked.

“No. I mean it’s dreary back at home too. But I see the appeal of this city. It seems cool and chill. In a weird sort of way,” James replied.

“Yeah. That it is,” Sirius smirked.

A short while later they passed by a row of brightly colored houses and James seemed very impressed.

“I could live here. In one of these houses. It could be a place to raise a family. They are about the size of Lily’s place, aren’t they?” James said.

“Not really my thing. I prefer a more subtle look. Something that doesn’t say, Hello, I’m a cartoon character,” Sirius said.

“Yes, whenever I think of you I think subtlety,” James rolled his eyes.

“Hey, fuck you,” Sirius laughed.

James punched him in the arm and they carried on, the rain mercifully having slowed.

“Welcome to Pearl District. Apparently it used to be more industrial but has been gentrified. You know how these things go. Rich white people like my cousin are making sure everything is as unaffordable as possible,” Sirius said.

“Sounds delightful,” James replied sarcastically.

It wasn’t long before they arrived at Powell’s. Sirius had only come there once a few weeks ago. He longed to bring Lily and Remus there as they were both ardent readers.

“I sure hope they have books in here. It would be disappointing if they didn’t. Really dishonest marketing,” James said.

“Actually, they only sell towels. It was supposed to be called Powell’s Towels but when the sign guy messed it up they were all too embarrassed to fix it,” Sirius joked.

“Fair enough. It’s important to own your mistakes,” James replied.

“Don’t I know it,” Sirius grumbled as they entered.

“Wow. That sure is a lot of books,” James said, adjusting his glasses as if that would somehow allow him to see even more books.

“A veritable city of books one might say,” Sirius said.

“It would be more exciting if there weren’t so many people wandering around,” James sighed.

“Yeah. Stupid tourists. Getting in the way. Their residential friends dragging them around to all the cool spots,” Sirius snarked.

James just flashed him a grin and they carried on through the store.

“So, James… I have a question. Or possibly a request. An invitation even,” Sirius said.

“Oh, yeah?” James asked, not looking at Sirius as he examined books in the Sci-Fi and Fantasy section.

“Come with me to the gay bar tonight,” Sirius said.

“Hmm. I’ve never done that before. Could be fun. I mean I already have a boyfriend and a girlfriend so I feel good on that front. But sure. Yeah, why not?” James replied, smiling at Sirius.

“Thanks. I think you’ll enjoy it. You like that sort of shit more than me anyhow,” Sirius replied.

“Probably,” James said, pulling an old copy of Dune out from the shelf and scowling at it.

* * *

 

Lily opened her umbrella as Marlene locked the store. They were walking down to a local restaurant. It was a bit of a walk but something about the rain and the falling leaves felt terribly romantic.

Lily lifted the umbrella to cover the both of them as Marlene arrived by her side. Lily wondered what she had ever done in life to deserve the company of such a beautiful woman as Marlene looped their arms together.

“Have you seen the Gene Kelly movie? Singin’ in the Rain?” Marlene asked.

“Years ago. When I was a kid,” Lily explained.

“Oh, I rewatch it every year. It’s a classic,” Marlene said.

And as if they had suddenly entered a musical, Marlene departed from beneath the umbrella and began to sing:

 

_I’m singin' in the rain_

_Just singin' in the rain_

_What a glorious feelin'_

_I'm happy again._

_I'm laughing at clouds._

_So dark up above_

_The sun's in my heart_

_And I'm ready for love._

 

“Oh my God, Marlene,” Lily laughed, beginning to dance as Marlene pirouetted in front of her.

 

_Let the stormy clouds chase_

_Everyone from the place_

_Come on with the rain_

_I've a smile on my face_

_I walk down the lane_

_With a happy refrain_

_Just singin'_

_Singin' in the rain_

 

Lily clapped as Marlene bowed then stepped forward, giving Lily a sweet kiss. Lily wrapped an arm around her neck, pulling her close, wanting desperately to not let go of this moment. She did reluctantly let her go of her, wondering if it was rain or tears on her cheeks as she pulled away.

“I don’t deserve things like that,” Lily said, feeling embarrassed.

“I’ll be the judge of what you deserve. You make me happy. Happier than I’ve been… in a long time,” Marlene explained.

“Oh. Well, I’m glad then,” Lily said.

Marlene returned to her place beneath the umbrella and they made their way to the restaurant.

* * *

“Hell yeah!” James shouted as music blasted in the club.

Sirius loved when his instincts were correct. James had barely been in the club for five minutes and hadn’t even had a drink yet but he already seemed to be having the time of his life.

Sirius reluctantly joined James on the dance floor. A minute later, as one song ended and another began, he was tapped on the shoulder by a handsome looking man with very blue eyes.

“Excuse me. Is he with you?” the man asked, gesturing at James.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at the man in confusion.

“Uh… he’s my brother. You should just ask him anyhow,” Sirius said, stepping aside.

The man laughed and approached James.

“Do you want to dance?” the man asked.

“Sure,” James grinned.

Sirius sighed and went to the bar to order a drink. As he waited for his drink he turned and caught a curious sight out of the corner of his eye, in a booth across the club.

“Is that?” Sirius whispered, wishing the club wasn’t so darkly lit.

Two women were sitting very closely together in a booth. One of them with curly dark blonde hair, the other with much lighter straight blonde hair. The one with straight hair was unmistakable: Narcissa Malfoy, his cousin.

Sirius took his drink and suddenly saw Narcissa’s eyes glare in his direction.

“Shit,” he whispered and looked away.

He looked back at James who was still happily dancing his ass off with a stranger, the flashing, multi-colored lights suiting him. He wondered if Remus would be jealous. More darkly he wondered if Remus was jealous that he had been coming to the club every week. He hadn’t even told Remus about Ludo. He knew that wasn’t fair but he told himself that this whole situation was unusual so he was allowed a little selfishness.

Sirius went to glance back at Narcissa and was startled to find her marching right over to him.

“Where’s your camera?” Narcissa snapped, arriving in front of him.

“Good evening to you too, cousin. How are you?” he asked.

“Shut up. I want to know what you saw and who’s paying you,” she demanded.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Sirius snapped back at her.

“That mouth is going to get you into trouble, cousin. Answer my questions,” Narcissa said firmly.

“I saw you getting friendly with that lady. No one is paying me anything, unfortunately. Besides, who would care? Does your husband not know you’re here?” Sirius asked.

Narcissa tilted her head, her blue eyes icy and unyielding.

“Of course Lucius doesn’t know I’m here. He thinks I’m at a book club,” Narcissa said.

“You can read?” Sirius smirked.

Narcissa looked ready to slap him for that remark. He thought he deserved it but he also didn’t regret saying it in the slightest.

“Very funny. You’re hilarious,” Narcissa mocked.

“OK, so you’re having an affair with some lady. She’s cute. At least you have good taste,” Sirius quipped.

“You know you could make a lot of money with this information. Sell it to a paper. Or sell it to my husband,” Narcissa said.

“I don’t need money. I have more than I need. I don’t know what to do with it. Genuinely. That’s not even a line I say. I’m a simple man,” Sirius said.

Narcissa reached into her purse, shaking her head.

“How much do you want?” she asked, pulling out her checkbook.

“Jesus, Narcissa. I don’t want your money,” Sirius said.

Narcissa sighed and started filling out the check.

“Really. Stop that. No, stop writing!” Sirius complained, shaking his hands at her in aggravation.

Narcissa ripped the check out and handed it to him. Sirius took it, his eyes widening at the obscene amount she was offering. He knew he could take it. Narcissa and her husband weren’t great people. He wouldn’t feel morally guilty at all.

They were part of the problem in America. And Narcissa was no doubt a hypocrite. A fake-liberal conservative who was secretly queer. He could still remember all the times she mocked the idea of gay marriage. She had given money to help get Prop 8 passed in California. Now she pranced around donating money to liberal causes as long as the politician agrees to help her out in return. It was disgusting.

“I don’t want this. I’m not going to tell anyone. I would never out anyone who didn’t want to be outed. I’m not a piece of shit. Unlike _some_ people,” Sirius said, ripping up the check in front of her.

“That wasn’t me that outed you. That was Bella. I swear,” Narcissa said, looking surprisingly aggrieved.

“Ah. I thought so. But good to know,” Sirius smiled sincerely.

Narcissa sighed, and looked back at her paramour across the room. Frowning she turned back towards Sirius, glaring into his eyes.

“Let this be a final warning: Don’t fuck with me, Sirius. I’m pregnant and nothing is getting in the way of my child’s future. Nothing,” she said.

“You’re pregnant? Congratulations,” Sirius said, trying to sound sincere.

“You’ve been warned. Fuck with my child and I will bury you,” Narcissa said, pointing at him then heading back to her date.

* * *

“You’re right. That _is_ a great movie,” Lily said.

“Apparently I haven’t yet earned your trust. I assure you I have exceptional taste,” Marlene said, brushing her fingertips through Lily’s dark-red hair as she lay against her chest.

“I trust you. If you wanted to go jump off a cliff right now without a parachute, I would do it. I would do it, screaming as we plummeted to our deaths,” Lily said.

“I’m sure there are more fun ways to make you scream,” Marlene said.

Lily laughed, blushing.

“Well, yes but I wouldn’t think you’d be interested in any of that,” Lily said.

“You haven’t even asked,” Marlene said.

“You told me you were asexual,” Lily said.

“I am. That doesn’t mean I never have sex,” Marlene pointed out.

“Oh,” Lily said then added, “I mean… I guess I knew that but… I don’t know.”

“Like I said before, I’m not sex repulsed. I can do it just fine. Especially for someone I really like. I know how much it means to you. You do lots of things for me. You baked me a vegan chai cake last week. I know that was a lot of work,” Marlene said.

Lily giggled and said, “But I like baking! And I got to eat some of that cake!”

Marlene also laughed, kissing the top of Lily’s head.

“I can enjoy sex. It feels good. And making someone you love happy… I would do far more uncomfortable things for that,” Marlene said.

“Hmm,” Lily said.

She wondered if she would ever be able to shake that feeling like Marlene could never truly consent to have sex with her. If someone only wants to have sex to make you happy was that valid? She immediately realized how stupid that was. She had consented to sex loads of times when she wasn’t in the mood. She hadn’t been pressured. The other person had asked and she had given out of love. It was her choice to make. Surely she could respect Marlene enough to trust her choice.

“If you wanted to right now…” Marlene started.

“Alas, I have my period. Not my favorite time for sexy stuff. Sorry,” Lily said.

“Oh. Well, fair enough. Cuddling is good too. Are you going to stay the night here?” Marlene asked.

“Of course,” Lily said, kissing her arm.

“Awesome,” Marlene said and kissed her head again.

* * *

“Welp. I’m off,” James said, standing in Sirius’s kitchen.

Sirius frowned but nodded.

“It was nice having you. For a little while,” Sirius said.

“Sorry I can’t stay longer. But I want to make sure I sleep enough before school tomorrow,” James explained.

“I understand. But come visit again. And send Lily and Remus up here. Don’t keep them all to yourself,” Sirius winked.

“I would never. Come here,” James said, opening his arms.

Sirius came over and embraced him.

“I love you, Sirius,” James said.

“I love you too,” Sirius echoed and James let him go.

“OK. Here I go,” James replied.

James opened the door to the apartment, gave Sirius a tiny sad look then left. Sirius closed the door behind him with a sigh. He hadn’t even told James about his run in with Narcissa at the club. James’d had too much of a good time last night for him to spoil it.

Sirius went over to his liquor cabinet, pulling out a bottle of wine. He’d cut back a little on the wine while James was around. He didn’t wanted to give him the wrong idea.

 

 

 


	5. A Sudden Change of Plans

“Hey!” Remus said, waving at Sirius via Skype from his bedroom, his laptop on his chest.

“Hey, hot stuff,” Sirius winked.

“You should talk. Damn, Portland is making you look good,” Remus said.

Remus was turned on and had really been looking forward to this date all week. Sirius had been planning on going out to the club but Remus had convinced him otherwise.

“Yeah, well, I’ve only been here for a month and week. Wait until you see what I look like by Christmas,” Sirius waggled his eyebrows.

“I won’t be able to contain myself,” Remus said, already barely feeling like he could contain himself.

“Damn, are you worked up?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah. I haven’t jerked off in days,” Remus grinned.

“Oh yeah? How long can you go?” Sirius asked, looking interested.

“I don’t know. I mean like… I should clarify. I’ve jerked off I just… haven’t let myself come,” Remus explained.

“Huh? Why wouldn’t you come? Isn’t that… the entire point?” Sirius asked.

Remus looked away, momentarily embarrassed.

“I mean coming is easy. Not coming is harder. It’s good to… want to come,” Remus said.

Sirius stared, his grey eyes not understanding.

“You know what’s better than wanting to come? Actually coming!” Sirius said.

“I don’t know. I just enjoy pushing myself to the edge. It turns me on. I don’t know why,” Remus said.

“Hmm… this gives me an idea,” Sirius said devilishly.

“Uh oh,” Remus chuckled.

“How would you feel about… What if I said you can’t come until I say you can?” Sirius said, biting his lip.

“You bastard,” Remus laughed.

“You don’t have to. I just thought it might be fun. Especially with all this distance between us,” Sirius said.

“Damn. This means I’m not getting to come tonight, isn’t?” Remus groaned, throwing his head back.

“I can’t control you,” Sirius said, throwing his hands up.

“No… It’s OK. I want you to,” Remus said.

“Fun. Then no. No coming tonight. But I’m gonna make you sit there and watch me come. I might even make you watch me come a couple of times,” Sirius said, reaching out of frame momentarily to grab his vibrator.

“I can still jerk off, right? I wanna get worked up,” Remus said.

“As long as I can watch you,” Sirius growled, turning on his vibrator and sliding it down his body as Remus pushed his laptop and his underwear down.

* * *

 

“Oh, ho, ho, ho. Damn, that’s sexy as fuck, Lils,” James said, staring at Lily wide eyed as she stood proudly naked, aside from the strap-on harness around her pelvis.

“I mean yours looks pretty good too,” Lily said, gesturing at James’s own, naked and erect presence.

James laughed, pulling on his cock then releasing it so it bounced. Lily giggled. James was such a stupid, sexy dork and she loved him completely for it.

“OK, Potter. On the bed. Ass up,” Lily ordered and James wasted no time.

They had already been practicing with playing with his ass since he first made the request. She’d fingered him plenty and used butt plugs on him but this would be the first time tackling full on penetration. She was really looking forward to it. Almost as much as he was.

Lily grabbed the lube from her end table then went over and poured it directly onto his hole.

“Oh!” he said and Lily giggled, putting some on her fingers.

Lily sat on the bed then gently began to work two fingers into his ass, one at a time. Once she was certain he was good and ready she got up to lube up the strap-on. She had got this toy especially for James.

She got back on the bed and knelt behind James, gripping his ass as she pushed the tip of the toy inside.

“Are you ready?” Lily asked.

“I was born ready. Uh… I mean not really. But… yeah. I’m ready. Dick is still hard as steel,” James said.

Lily laughed and eased a bit more in.

“Ah!” James called out.

“You OK?” Lily asked, pulling out.

“Yeah. Just snug,” James said.

Lily pushed in again, only an inch inside. The toy was maybe a little bigger than Lily would’ve purchased on her own but James was concerned about Remus’s size and wanted to prepare himself.

“Oh!” James called out, Lily having got the toy as deep as it was going to go.

“That good?” she asked.

“Yeah,” James said as she slowly pulled out again.

Lily continued to drip lube onto the tube, ensuring continued safety. She thought James was lucky that she already had so much experience with using strap-ons. James adapted quickly, even pushing back against her thrusts. He had such a beautiful ass and fucking it really turned her on.

She couldn’t help but imagine Remus in her place. The thought of the two gorgeous men together was a notion too tempting for her mind to ignore.

“I see you jerking off. You better not come. Save it for me,” Lily said, popping him on the ass with her hand.

“Ooo! OK, OK. I’m just so fucking horny, babe,” James said.

“Me too. Fucking your ass is making me seriously wet,” Lily replied.

“Mmmm… It better be. Because I’m just warning you that I’m going to need to let out some frustration,” James warned.

Lily giggled and said, “I look forward to it!”

The idea of James wanting her so much and how much she was going to make him come had a new thrill as of late. The idea didn’t make too much sense but in the moment the notion was exciting, like if he just came hard enough it would get her pregnant from the sheer euphoria of it. But they’d had a lot of amazing sex the last month and nothing had done the trick yet.

“I love you, Lily,” James said as Lily thrust into his ass.

“I love you too,” she replied.

“I appreciate this. I really, really needed this. You can go harder, you know?” James said.

“All right,” she said and immediately increased her speed.

“Mmm. Fuck yeah,” James said.

“Damn. You can really take a pounding. I would’ve fucked you up the ass months ago if I had known,” Lily said, biting her lip.

“Guess I’m full of surprises,” James said.

Lily slammed into James’s ass, feeling powerful and sexy. She was so horny she could hardly stand it.

“God. I need to get a new vibrating harness. I’m so worked up,” Lily said.

“Oh? Well, get the harness off and let me take care of you,” James said.

Lily didn’t even ask if he was serious, she quickly pulled off the harness and set it on a towel. James flipped over, sitting on the bed. He motioned with his hands and Lily came to him, placing her pelvis in his face.

“Mmm,” James said licking his lips then burying his face between her legs.

“Oh!” Lily called out as James went to town.

James’s hands curved around her thick thighs, squeezing hard as he pulled her close. Lily placed her hands on his head, trying to hold still while James pleasured her.

“Oh, God. I really love how much you love eating pussy, James. Mmm,” Lily moaned.

James was always relentless. She came hard, grasping for breath as ecstasy rolled over her. She smiled down at him and said, “OK. Please fuck my brains out now.”

James slid her down, right onto his lap. She was so wet they didn’t need any lube, his cock gliding right inside. Her mouth latched onto his as his hands gripped her ass, bouncing her hard on his cock. His thrust into her so hard she had to pull away to moan, her head hanging back.

“Oh, yeah. Damn that’s good. Don’t hold back,” Lily moaned.

James looked into her eyes. He looked so intense, his teeth grit. His lips twitched and she knew it wouldn’t be long. She tightened her muscles around his cock, ready for him to explode. James pulled her close again and kissed up the side of her face.

“Feel so fuckin’ good,” James breathed into her ear then sucked on her neck.

“Come in me. Come deep and hard, please!” Lily begged.

Lily closed her eyes, focusing on the sounds of flesh and flesh and James’s desperate sounds. Lily opened her eyes and saw that James’s mouth was hanging open, widening for a moan.

“Unh!” James moaned and Lily could feel him pulse inside as he pushed as deep as he could go, squeezing her ass hard as he held her down on his cock.

“Oh. Ohhh. Fuck!” James whimpered, Lily smiling at the contortions of his face as he came.

Lily planted kisses all over his face as she held him deep, James muttering breathless swears. Lily giggled as he released his hold on her ass, beginning to relax.

“God, Lily. So good. I came so fuckin’ hard,” James said, trying to catch his breath.

Lily laughed, brushing her fingers through his black hair.

“You worked up a sweat,” Lily said.

“You should talk,” James said, gathering up her hair in a hand.

“I would shower but… I don’t want to. I just want to collapse here with you,” Lily said.

“My dick is still inside of you,” James said.

“I’m not ready for you to pull it out,” she laughed, squeezing it again.

“Well, it might not have a choice,” he said as it slipped out as if on cue.

“Aww,” she said, realizing that things were rather sticky down there but not caring as they fell back together.

“I’d say that was a success,” James said.

“Hell yeah, it was,” she replied and they kissed.

* * *

“Black. I’m gonna need you to go to Seattle,” Michael Creevey said.

“Oh?” Sirius replied, not looking up from his computer screen and wondering what the fuck was so special about Seattle.

“Yeah. Just a quick trip. A local business is participating in a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton. I need you to go up there and cover it,” Michael said.

“Why me?” Sirius complained.

“Everyone else already has assignments,” Michael said.

Sirius sighed.

“OK. When is the thing?” Sirius asked.

“The fifteenth. I need you to go up there Friday evening. I’ve already got a hotel. You’ll come back Sunday evening,” Michael said.

“Per diem?” Sirius grinned.

“Of course. You won’t have to pay for anything,” Michael assured, as he sat on his desk with a grin.

“I guess it could be fun. Besides, it’ll let me tease my boyfriend. He loves Seattle,” Sirius said, pulling out his phone to send Remus a text immediately.

Suddenly, Remus got an idea, halting himself before sending a text.

“Say, Michael… if I wanted to bring along a guest… I could do that at my own expense, right?” Sirius said.

Michael shrugged.

“I don’t care. Have at it,” Michael replied.

“Excellent. Thanks. I’m going to go make a call,” Sirius said, rushing out into the hall.

He quickly called Remus who answered after only a couple of rings.

“Hey!” Remus said.

“Hey. So quick random question: Do you want to come with me to Seattle this weekend?” Sirius asked.

There was a brief moment of silence, Sirius almost wondering if he had lost him.

“What? Are you serious?” Remus asked.

“Always,” Sirius replied.

Remus laughed and said, “I mean, yes, but how the fuck will I get up there?”

“I’ve got an idea. Let me call Lily,” Sirius said.

“OK. Bye,” Remus said and Sirius quickly called her.

“Hey, what’s up? I’m at work,” Lily said.

“Lils. Want to do me an enormous favor?” Sirius asked.

“Maybe. Depends how big,” Lily said, sounding playful.

“Will you bring Remus to Portland?” Sirius asked.

“Uhhh… Are you gonna pay my gas?” Lily asked.

“Of course,” Sirius said.

“Hmm… Let me call James real quick,” Lily said and they hung up.

Sirius waited for a few minutes, pacing around in the hallway. Someone went into the one of the other offices, giving Sirius a weird look like he somehow didn’t belong there.

The phone rang and Sirius immediately answered.

“OK, I’ll bring Remus up on one condition,” Lily said, Sirius thinking she must be outside now since he could hear rain.

“Name it. Anything,” Sirius replied.

“Let James and I house sit for you,” Lily said.

“Oh… Uhh… I mean, OK, I guess. I don’t really need a house sitter,” Sirius said.

“Sirius. We’re all adults here. You know that I really just want somewhere James and I can fuck without worrying about needing to be quiet,” Lily snickered.

“Oh. Right. Oh, wait. You want to fuck in my apartment?” Sirius gasped.

Lily laughed.

“I mean… we don’t have to. But I’ll wash all your sheets… and your counter tops. The entire bathroom… your balcony. Basically all of your furniture,” Lily joked.

“Haha. Very funny. Fine.Whatever. I’m not a prude. Just clean up after yourselves and we’re fine,” Sirius said.

“Cool. Well… I guess we’ve all got some planning to do,” Lily said.

“Yeah. I guess I’ll let Remus know,” Sirius said.

“OK. Buh-bye. Looking forward to seeing you,” Lily said.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you too,” Sirius said and hung up.

* * *

Remus was nervous the entire trip up to Portland. He hadn’t seen Sirius since the end of August and it was now halfway through October. He had seen him on Skype, of course, including their date just last week. But suddenly he would be spending an entire weekend with him.

“You’re gonna love Portland,” James said.

“I’m barely gonna see Portland,” Remus retorted.

“Oh… right,” James laughed.

“I’m barely gonna see Portland either. Don’t feel too bad,” Lily said.

“You guys aren’t literally going to just hang out in Sirius’s apartment all weekend, are you?” Remus said.

“Nah. Probably not. I’m gonna take Lily to Powell’s,” James grinned proudly back at Remus.

“Fair enough. Hope you’re ready to carry a mountain of books back with you. Every time I’ve ever gone book shopping with Lily that’s how it goes,” Remus said.

“Hey, fuck you both,” Lily said, temporarily pulling her hand off the wheel to give them the finger, both laughing in response.

An hour later they had parked at Sirius’s apartments. Remus thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest.

“Well, go on,” James said to Remus as they approached Sirius’s door, as if Remus was a nervous child about to meet Santa Claus.

Remus knocked and the door immediately swung open. Sirius shouted and practically tackled Remus.

“I’ve fucking missed you,” Sirius growled in Remus’s ear.

“I’ve missed you too,” Remus replied, kissing the side of Sirius’s head.

“Come in. All of you,” Sirius said, stepping aside.

“Huh. This is nice. Though smaller than I expected,” Remus said.

“Size doesn’t matter,” Sirius winked at Remus, making him laugh.

“It is nice, though. I see you’ve hung up some of your photography!” Remus said, excitedly pointing at a framed photo of himself at the beach taken many months ago.

Not far from the photo of himself at the beach the last photo Sirius had taken of his brother Regulus more than three years before. He was glad to see that Sirius had reached a point where he had made peace with it. Maybe things weren’t so bad for him here.

“Yeah. I didn’t want to get settled since I know this isn’t permanent but… I wanted to feel more like home was here even if home isn’t here,” Sirius explained then said, “Would you all like some wine?”

“You’re going to be driving,” James said.

“Not quite yet. I’ve already had a glass,” Sirius said, raising a glass that was now obviously emptied.

“Why would you drink wine if you know you’re going to have to drive?” Remus asked.

“Who knows if I’ll have any time for drinking this weekend. I’m going to be working all tomorrow,” Sirius said, pulling out a wine bottle and three glasses.

“None for me, thanks, “ Remus said.

Sirius shrugged and put a glass up, saying, “Suit yourself.”

“Is the wine vegan?” Lily asked.

Sirius laughed.

“Isn’t all wine vegan? It’s made of grapes,” Sirius said in a slight mocking tone.

“They use animal products as fining agents,” Lily said, smirking.

“Shit,” Sirius said, staring at his bottle in horror.

“Yeah, it’s pretty gross. You’d be surprised what shit has dead animal parts in it,” Lily said, patting Sirius on the back then plopping onto his sofa.

“I guess if Lils doesn’t want to drink I won’t either,” James shrugged, joining her on the sofa.

“I can run and get some vegan stuff if you want,” Sirius offered.

“Nah. I’ve got some weed,” Lily winked.

“Ah. Weed. Right. Make sure you open a window if you smoke weed in my apartment. Or go out on the balcony,” Sirius grumbled, pouring himself some wine anyway.

“Sirius,” Remus said with annoyance.

“What? I’m not afraid to drink dead animals,” Sirius grinned, sipping the wine.

“It’s already the middle of the afternoon,” Remus insisted.

“So? Seattle’s three hours away. And I only poured a little bit. It’s fine. Come sit down,” Sirius said, gesturing at the sofa.

Remus sighed. Sirius had changed. Remus wanted desperately to know what was going on with him but he didn’t want to start a scene, not when they still had a whole weekend ahead of them.

* * *

“Something is wrong with Sirius,” James said as he and Lily sat in front of the open balcony door watching the rain.

“Ya, think?” Lily said sarcastically.

James nodded and sighed.

“He’s a mess and I don’t think he knows it. And poor Remus is going to be up in Seattle with him for two days,” Lily said.

“The thing is… he’s got a lot of pain, you know. He never really recovered from all the shit with his family. Getting outed and all the abuse. And then his brother died. And he was doing good but then… he came up here,” James said

“He needs therapy,” Lily said.

“He needs his friends. I don’t think being alone up here is good for him. I’ve known Sirius for a long time. When he’s upset he gets destructive. Thing is, I’ve always been there to stop him from stepping over the edge. I can’t help him if he’s here,” James said.

Lily shook her head.

“Not your responsibility babe. He needs professional help,” Lily said.

“I know that. But I love him, dammit. Would you stand back and let Remus destroy himself?” James asked.

“Of course not,” Lily said glumly.

“And I can’t let Sirius destroy himself,” James insisted.

“Fair enough. So what do you want to do? Stage an intervention? He’s not exactly an alcoholic,” Lily said.

“But he’s on the road to becoming one. His brother was an addict. Look what happened to him,” James said.

“Yeah. You’re right. Let’s just try to have a conversation when he gets back. I’ll see what Remus thinks about his behavior. Maybe we’re blowing this all out of proportion,” Lily said.

“Maybe. I hope so. I hope we’re the fuckin’ assholes. I can live with that. But Sirius destroying himself? Nah. I don’t want that,” James said.

Lily looked at him with sadness, placing a hand on his shoulder. James turned to her.

“I’m with you. Always. You know that, right?” she asked, smiling softly.

He knew he was crying but he didn’t care. Lily’s hand moved to his cheek and he kissed her palm.

“I know,” James said.

“Want to go snuggle in bed? No pressure for anything more,” Lily asked, closing the balcony door.

“Yeah. I think I could use that right now,” James said.

Lily smiled at him and took his hand, kissing it.

“Why are you so good to me?” James asked.

“Because you’re so good to me,” Lily said.

James snorted and said, “Fair enough. I’ll take it,” then Lily lead to him bed by the hand.

 


	6. The Chase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some brief mentions of suicide in this chapter.

Remus peered out the window down at the downtown Seattle streets below. The city was covered in gloom and it was raining. He really loved this place.

“You’re naked,” Sirius said and Remus turned around, smiling.

“Yeah. Not ready for clothes I guess,” Remus said.

“Hmm. I’m not ready for you to have clothes either,” Sirius smirked, biting his lip.

Remus felt a little embarrassed and looked away.

“I just wanted to look at the streets. It’s cool, isn’t it? Can you imagine that people just live here. Get woke up by seagulls, then go down to the sidewalk. Get on a bus, work a while… then go get lunch down at Pike Place Market,” Remus said, coming over to sit on the bed.

“Not so different from Portland,” Sirius said.

“Maybe. Portland does have you, so that’s a bonus,” Remus said, reaching over to touch Sirius’s face.

“Not right now it doesn’t,” Sirius said, quickly leaning over into a kiss.

Sirius instantly pulled away and Remus made a sad grunt, involuntarily.

“Sorry. I need to brush my teeth. And pee. Stay right here!” Sirius demanded.

Remus saluted him, smiling at Sirius’s ass as he ran to the bathroom. Once Sirius was in the bathroom, Remus grabbed his phone. He had texts from Lily:

 

**How is Sirius? James and me are worried about him.**

 

**Hope everything is all right…**

 

Remus texted back:

 

_Everything is fine. Sirius seems OK. He seemed distracted during the drive up here._

 

_But really, I think he’s fine. He’s been sweet._

 

Lily didn’t reply. She and James were both probably still asleep. Sirius returned from the bathroom.

“Hey. Did you miss me?” Sirius said.

Remus laughed and said, “Terribly. I didn’t think you’d ever come back out.”

Sirius walked around the bed, finding Remus and kissing him. Sirius’s hand drifted to Remus’s thigh. Remus was quickly becoming aroused. He hadn’t come in over a week and his balls ached.

“I’m sorry about last night. I know I was quiet last night. And I intended to… be with you last night. I didn’t mean to get you worked up and then pass out. I’ve just been… really tired lately,” Sirius apologized softly.

“It’s all right. We never have to _have_ sex. It’s not important,” Remus explained, despite his throbbing cock.

“I know. I just feel bad because I know you’ve been holding it in for me,” Sirius said.

“Well, maybe tonight…” Remus started but Sirius groaned.

“I’ve gotta go to the thing soon. I don’t want to promise anything. I might be tired again. But I thought maybe,” Sirius said, wrapping his fingers around Remus’s cock.

“Maybe?” Remus replied, grinning.

“I thought maybe I’d take care of you. If you’ll sit on the bed,” Sirius said.

Remus made a small laugh and nodded, sitting on the side of the bed as Sirius dropped to his knees. Sirius’s hands gripped his shaft, his mouth wrapping around the head, sucking hard. Remus felt a little ashamed by how quickly he came. His balls somehow hurt even more after coming, like he hadn’t fully emptied himself out.

Sirius wiped his mouth and grinned up at Remus who was still breathing hard.

“There ya go,” Sirius winked, as if he had just helped Remus fix a flat tire.

He slapped Remus’s thigh and stood up, going over to grab his clothes.

“So, I’ll be at the stupid fundraiser for hours following around these old people. Feel free to just walk around Seattle and we’ll meet up in the afternoon,” Sirius said.

Remus silently nodded feeling weird.

“Sirius… are you OK?” Remus asked, standing up.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Having the time of my life,” Sirius said, avoiding Remus’s eyes.

“You’re not lying to me are you? If you’re having a problem I want to help,” Remus said.

Sirius glared at Remus and huffed.

“Get off my back, Remus. I’m fine,” Sirius snapped and Remus froze.

“Uh… OK. Well, no need to be a dick,” Remus said, unconsciously clenching a fist.

“You’re the one being a dick,” Sirius said, grabbing his binder and heading into the bathroom.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Remus asked, following Sirius to the bathroom but Sirius shut the door in his face.

Remus sighed, deciding to get his clothes on instead. Sirius was out in a moment, buttoning up his shirt.

“Sorry, I snapped at you,” Sirius said then added, “I think I’m just stressed. It’s going to be a long day and I haven’t done an event like this yet.”

“You’re just taking photos, right?” Remus asked.

Sirius nodded.

“Yeah. I’m not a reporter. Just taking pictures. They have someone local there who will write the story,” Sirius explained.

“Well, that’s good. Just try to take it easy. And tonight we can just… crash and watch a movie or something,” Remus grinned hopefully.

“Yeah. Maybe,” Sirius replied with a nod, then turned towards the hotel room door.

As soon as Sirius was gone Remus dashed over to his phone to text Lily:

 

_I think something is wrong with Sirius._

* * *

 

The couple Sirius had to follow around were insufferable. _All_ the people at the fundraiser were insufferable, actually. And the worst thing of all is that Sirius realized that he was just as insufferable. He had been a snappy dick all morning.

He wanted a drink. There was booze about but Sirius knew he was working. He was a professional. He needed to be sober to watch rich white people schmooze and make promises they had no intention of keeping.

It was all so dirty. Sirius personally supported Bernie Sanders. This shit was corrupt. A despicable means to an end in Sirius’s opinion. His family had long liked to throw money at politicians and he wanted nothing to do with all that.

As if thinking about family had the power to summon them, Lucius and Narcissa were suddenly in his view. Narcissa spied him and smirked. Sirius desperately wanted to be somewhere else, still remembering her threat.

But he noticed Narcissa had looked away. Sirius was bored and decided he could use some amusement. The couple he was following were both seated and talking to another couple of old white people so he thought he was safe to leave them for a moment.

“Lucius. Narcissa. How are you?” Sirius asked, giving them his best bright smile.

Lucius glared at him, seeming wholly disinterested.

“Lucius, you remember my cousin, Sirius,” Narcissa said, gesturing at Sirius with a pale hand.

“Yes,” Lucius answered flatly.

“It’s OK if you don’t remember me,” Sirius joked.

“I remember you. You came to photograph us. I take it you are here working?” Lucius said.

“Yeah. I am,” Sirius answered.

“Then maybe you should get back to earning your pay,” Lucius smirked, clearly amusing himself.

“Don’t be rude, Lucius,” Narcissa said then smiled at Sirius and added, “It’s always good to see you, cousin.”

“It’s always good to see you but in fairness to your husband, he’s probably right. It’s only been a few weeks since we saw each other,” Sirius said thinking himself clever.

“Yes, I told Lucius that I ran into you at Powell’s. There with that tall friend of yours. With the glasses,” Narcissa lied, grinning so sincerely it gave Sirius chills.

“Uh… yeah. At Powell’s,” Sirius said.

Sirius wasn’t as skilled a liar but luckily Lucius seemed bored and as he looked away Narcissa winked at Sirius as if it to say _Nice try, cousin_.

“Well… it was good seeing you,” Sirius said, starting to leave.

“Wait. Actually, can I talk to you in private, Sirius?” Narcissa asked.

“Yes, go ahead,” Lucius said, as if she had just asked him for permission.

Narcissa scowled at the back of his head as Lucius walked away.

“Follow me,” Narcissa said, leading him out of the dining hall.

He followed her down a hall until they, reached the bathrooms and she pulled him inside the ladies bathroom, locking the door behind her.

“What the fuck, Narcissa?” Sirius snapped.

“Relax, cousin. I only want to talk to you in private,” she said, using her hands to smooth out of the skirt of her cream colored dress.

“Fine. But I’ve already told you. I don’t give a fuck about your affair,” Sirius said.

“I believe you. Which may be foolish of me but whatever. You and I are never going to be friends-“ Narcissa started.

“You better fuckin’ believe _that_ ,” Sirius snarked.

“Must you always be such a prick?” Narcissa sighed with frustration.

“Yes, I must. Now say whatever you want to say,” Sirius said.

“We’ll never be friends but we are still family. I don’t like you but… I feel a kinship to you. It is with that in mind that I make a peace offering. Though this offering comes with a price: after tonight I don’t want to see you or talk to you again. Please. Stay away. Lucius knows I’m pregnant. I always feel like at any moment he’s going to find some other woman and toss me and my child aside. We have this little nineteen year old maid he keeps… watching,” Narcissa explained.

“Then leave his ass. You have your own money,” Sirius said.

Narcissa rolled her eyes and said, “You are so naive. Do you know the sort of things I can do with his money? I am here tonight raising money for the first woman president.”

It was Sirius’s turn to roll his eyes.

“You couldn’t pay me to vote for Hilary Clinton,” Sirius laughed.

“What if she’s going up against Donald Trump?” Narcissa said smugly, crossing her arms over her chest.

Sirius almost cackled.

“That’s never going to happen. Anyway, Bernie’s going to win. He’s got all the momentum,” Sirius said.

Narcissa scoffed.

“I’m not here to argue politics,” Narcissa said.

“Good, because you’d lose. You gave money to people who wanted to take away gay rights in California,” Sirius said.

“That was Lucius! Not me! How could you have seen what you saw at that club and think I would work against my own kind?” Narcissa barked.

“You’re a rich white lady first and a queer woman second,” Sirius glared at her.

“Fuck you!” Narcissa growled then sighed, looking down and closing her eyes, clearly trying to compose herself.

“Sorry. I just call things how I see them,” Sirius said.

Narcissa looked back up at him and said, “Anyhow. I’m making a peace offering. If you will leave me alone. Should we see each other out in public again… don’t approach me. If I wish to speak to you I’ll talk to you. As long as the news about Ros- Uh… my lover, doesn’t leak I’ll assume everything between us is good. Can you agree?”

“Yeah. Whatever. I still don’t want your money,” Sirius said.

“I know you won’t take my money. But I have something far more valuable. After you are done here, go straight to the Starbucks in Pike Place Market,” Narcissa said.

“That’s the original Starbucks,” Sirius replied.

“Yes. Go in there, wait in line then order a Pumpkin Spice Latte with the name Phineas. Then leave, go across the street to Victor Steinbruek Park. Sit down on the bench next to the sign, with the label on your latte facing outward so the name can be seen. Wait for half an hour. Maybe forty five minutes,” Narcissa explained.

“Then what? Your hit man shows up and fills me full of lead?” Sirius raised an eyebrow.

Narcissa rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be so dramatic. You don’t have to do this. But if you don’t… you may regret it someday,” Narcissa said.

She looked uncomfortably sincere. On the other hand, she had lied to Lucius earlier and had looked equally sincere.

“Fine. Whatever. I guess if you wanted to kill me you wouldn’t do it the most tourist heavy part of town,” Sirius said.

“If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead,” Narcissa winked, and unlocked the bathroom door.

“That’s comforting,” Sirius said.

“Yes. Now get out. I need to use the facilities,” Narcissa said.

“What are you afraid to say you need to piss?” Sirius chuckled.

Narcissa just sighed as he left the bathroom, the door locking as soon as he was back out into the hall.

He figured the Starbucks thing was probably a prank or some sort of trap. She’d probably be sending a lawyer after him. But he was curious. He felt like he was in some detective novel only he had no idea there was a mystery to solve. He supposed he would see. He looked at his phone. There were still four hours of photographing rich assholes to go.

* * *

 

“We can’t just… confront him as soon as he gets home,” Lily said.

“Why not? If Remus thinks it’s bad it must be pretty bad,” James said.

“Remus didn’t say it was bad. He’s just concerned. I think if we come at Sirius with guns blazing he’s just going to tell us to fuck off. I would,” Lily replied, as they both paced around Sirius’s living room.

“No, you wouldn’t. You’re nice. Sirius is an asshole,” James grumbled.

Lily laughed.

“No, he’s not. He’s one of the nicest people I know. Aside from Remus,” Lily said.

James turned to face her, shaking his head.

“You don’t know Sirius like I do. It wasn’t until his brother died that he started to get nice. And I think that’s just because he buried his feelings. And then he met Remus. I think he started to feel again. And then… he came up here. Away from us all. And everything has been happening so fast. I think maybe he can’t keep up. He doesn’t know how to cope. He never learned how,” James said.

Lily’s heart sunk, feeling terrible for Sirius.

“He needs therapy,” Lily said.

“Yeah. He does. But… he’s not going to like that,” James said, sitting down on the sofa.

Lily came over to join him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“We can’t make him do anything. But we can at least talk to him,” she said, squeezing him.

“Yeah. You’re right. I’m just… not looking forward to it. He’s stubborn,” James replied.

“I think he knows we all love him. You can let me take the lead if you want,” Lily said.

James turned to her, smiling.

“Don’t I always?” he said softly.

Lily snorted.

“Sometimes. Let’s leave it at sometimes,” she replied and he laid his head on her shoulder.

* * *

 

Sirius felt like an idiot as he sat on the bench, tourists all over, taking photos and enjoying themselves even though it had started to rain. He scowled at his latte, plainly labeled as Phineas. Phineas was the name of some old, long dead family members whose histories he could no longer recall. He called his mother speaking fondly of Phineas Nigellus Black which almost certainly meant he was a terrible, old racist.

Sirius kept checking the time on his phone. A half hour passed. Then forty five minutes. At one minute until an hour Sirius bent over, putting his face in his hands, cursing himself for allowing himself to be trolled by Narcissa. Then he heard someone in front of him clearing their throat.

He pulled his hands away from his face and looked up. The face of the man standing before him was immediately recognizable. His hair was shorter. His face was less thin. All of him was less thin. He had a goatee. But still… there was no mistaking his own, supposedly deceased brother, Regulus Black.

“Regs,” Sirius said in shock.

Regulus shook his head and darted off, towards the market. Regulus dashed across the road and Sirius followed. He was operating on pure instinct at this moment. He couldn’t lose him. Not again. Not ever.

He felt as if he were in a dream, everything moving too fast and too slow al at once. Regs entered the market, shoving his way through the crowd. Sirius knew if he let Regulus get out of sight he wouldn’t be able to follow him. He didn’t know the market at all. He had been planning to take a walk through after he received Narcissa’s peace offering. In a flash, Sirius realized how remarkable it was that Narcissa hadn’t been lying. He would consider sending her a thank you card if it weren’t for the fact not contacting her was an explicit part of their agreement.

Sirius followed Regulus relentlessly down the long, packed corridor, paying little mind to all the vendors and restaurants along the way. It seemed to go on forever. People could clearly see that something was up but no one seemed to care, which was just as well. Interference wouldn’t help anything.

They zipped past the guys throwing the fish and Sirius followed Regulus down a set of stairs that lead down to a wall covered in promotional flyers. Regulus nearly tripped as he spun around from the railing, heading down the drive and around a corner.

Sirius raced to catch up to him as he ran down an alley, realizing quickly that they were about to pass the famous and absolutely disgusting, gum wall. They ran past Pike Place Brewing Co. and all the way down the alley, where Regulus made another turn, heading towards the waterfront.

Regulus dashed across the road, getting lucky under the viaduct as the crosswalk came on, allowing him to safely get to the other side. Sirius only just barely made it. They arrived at the waterfront, the Seattle Great Wheel looming in front of them. Sirius felt ready to drop dead. He needed to stop and breathe but he couldn’t let Regs get away.

“Regs! Stop! Please!” Sirius begged.

Regulus had bent over for a second to catch air but looked back at Sirius and started to jog again. At this point Sirius figured that Regulus was hoping to hop onto a ferry if it meant avoiding Sirius. Sirius wouldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t.

They were both exhausted as they passed gift shops and seafood restaurants. He thought at any moment a cop was going to show up and arrest him or tell him to leave Regulus alone. But his gut told him that Regulus knew everyone thought he was dead and wanted to keep it that way.

At the ferry docks, Sirius followed Regulus up a set of stairs, leading up to the ferry terminal. A ferry must’ve just arrived as he followed Regulus to a set of doors, above which was labeled Bainbridge Island. Regulus tapped a card and went through the gate.

“Shit!” Sirius snapped and dashed to ticketing, his heart pounding as he desperately tried to get a ticket to get on that ferry.

Ticket in hand, he raced back to the gate, getting past to run down to the ferry, getting on board just in time. He had no clue where the ferry was about to take him but he wasn’t letting Regulus get away. He would follow him to China if he had to.

To his surprise, he found Regulus on the ferry just sitting alone in a booth. He didn’t even look up when Sirius sat down in front of him. Sirius stared at him, not sure what to say. He was filled with so many emotions. Too many. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Happiness. Relief.

“Regs,” Sirius said.

“Don’t call me that,” Regulus said, still looking out the window.

“Then what would you like me to call you,” Sirius said diplomatically.

“Don’t call me anything. Just leave me alone,” Regulus said.

“Please. I’m begging you. Help me understand,” Sirius said, tears falling from his eyes as the ferry went into motion across Puget Sound.

Regulus looked uncomfortable but wouldn’t reply.

“Please. At least look at me,” Sirius begged.

Regulus looked at him, gulping in apparent discomfort. Regulus sighed and nodded.

“I’m sorry. Truly. What I’ve done is terrible but… you have to understand,” Regulus said, looking down at the table.

“Then help me. Help me understand,” Sirius insisted.

“You remember how I was. The last time you saw me,” Regulus said.

“Yeah. You looked like shit. Half dead already. You look better now,” Sirius said, smiling and wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Yeah. I wasn’t well. I was so messed up on drugs. I had just had an overdose. Things with mom and dad were getting intense. Dad was dying and mom was worse than ever. She blamed me for you. Even after I moved out… she kept sending people to find me. Harass me. Make me come back so she could take control of my life. She needs to have someone to control. With you gone, me gone and dad dying… She had no one else to control,” Regulus said.

“So you faked your death,” Sirius said.

“It’s a little more complicated than that. A month before we last saw each other I went to Andromeda. I told her how sick I was of our mother. It was all driving me to drugs. I just wanted to… stop hurting. Stop feeling anxious. Numb the pain,” Regulus said.

Sirius thought of his own drinking and gulped. Was he repeating a pattern?

“There were people after me. Wanting money. I don’t know what they would’ve done to me if they had found me. I told Andromeda I wanted to disappear. I meant that I was thinking of offing myself but she had a different idea. She told me to stay with her for a week. The next day, Narcissa arrived. I can hear them talking and arguing downstairs. Then Dromeda knocks on my door. She tells me that she and Narcissa are going to help me. They’d help me disappear and get into rehab.”

“Narcissa helped you? Andromeda told me she was the one who told her you had died,” Sirius said, never more confused in his life.

“That was a lie. Narcissa fronted the bill for all of it. Even got me a grave and a funeral. And no I don’t know who, if anyone, is buried in that grave. I try not to think about it,” Regulus said, a grim look on his face.

“Jesus Christ,” Sirius said, feeling uncomfortable and sick.

“I wasn’t going to say anything to you. I knew if I told you… you’d follow me. You’d abandon all your dreams and your friends to chase after your piece of shit little brother. You have to understand that I thought this wasn’t going to work. I thought we’d all get caught and I’d either kill myself or end up in prison,” Regulus said, glancing up at Sirius momentarily.

“But we did meet. You called me right before I moved to Oregon,” Sirius said.

“My conscience got the better of me. Yeah, I called you. Even said goodbye. Do you remember?” Regulus said, surprisingly smiling at Sirius.

“Yeah. I remember. You scared me. And then when you died… when I _thought_ you had died… I felt so guilty. I felt like I should’ve saved you,” Sirius said.

“You couldn’t have saved me. You only would’ve been an accomplice to a crime. Of course, now, look at you. An accomplice anyway,” Regulus said, gesturing at Sirius and laughing.

Sirius laughed despite himself.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Sirius said, thinking it was so good to see his brother smile.

“I’m guessing Narcissa must’ve owed you a favor. That’s how she’s been passing me money the last three years. I live on Bainbridge Island. I just pop over when I have to and when I need money. Not cheap living up here. I have a job. Work at a bakery. I make pastries all day. Can you believe it?” Regulus asked.

“I’m not sure what I believe. I’m not sure I believe this isn’t just a dream I’m having,” Sirius said.

“It’s not a dream. If it were, I’d dream something better. I hate living in fear. I’m sorry I ran. I’m sorry I made you chase me. But no one knows I’m not dead. And it needs to stay that way. If I’m ever caught… they’ll haul me off to prison and my life will be over,” Regulus said.

“I don’t think it’s actually illegal to fake your own death,” Sirius said.

“No. It’s not but… we still broke a lot of laws,” Regulus cringed.

“Come out into the world again. Mother and father are dead. I’ll give you half of the inheritance mom left me. I’ll get you a good lawyer. We’ll tell them what monsters our parents were,” Sirius said.

Regulus chuckled and shook his head.

“Maybe you could save me… And Narcissa is rich enough to save her own ass. But Dromeda? I’m not sure we could save her and I won’t toss her to the wolves. And I don’t think you would either,” Regulus said.

Sirius sighed and nodded in agreement.

“Fine. At least… let me be in your life. I want us to be family again. I want you to meet my boyfriend,” Sirius pleaded.

“You have a boyfriend? Good for you,” Regulus said, reaching across the table and patting Sirius on the shoulder.

Sirius realized something and quickly pulled out his phone. He had dozens of texts from Remus but he couldn’t focus on them. He could only manage to send a couple of texts:

 

**I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Something amazing has happened.**

 

**I will share deets once I’ve reached my destination.**

 

“So, what else is going on with you? Where do you live now?” Regulus asked.

“I’m in Portland right now. I’ve been… I’ve been not great if I’m being honest. I think… I may have a drinking problem,” Sirius admitted.

Regulus frowned and said, “I’m sorry to hear that. I’d be happy to talk you through that. I will say that rehab helped me a lot. Saved my life.”

“I don’t think I’m that bad. Not yet. But… I’m on the precipice. Even now all I can think about is having a drink to soothe my nerves,” Sirius explained.

“And then it’s not just one drink is it,” Regulus said.

“Nope. And it’s not like… I get drunk and makes scenes. It’s not ruining my life. I do my job fine. I muddle through my relationships. There’s… this whole thing. A poly thing,” Sirius said.

“Poly’s not my bag. No offense,” Regulus said.

“None taken. My boyfriend is also sorta seeing my best friend. And every time I think about it… I just feel so uncomfortable. But then I can think about being with other people and it’s fine. God, I… I had sex with someone I met a club. A fucking one night stand. And it wasn’t bad. I mean that experience was terrible but the sex was fine. I’m a hypocrite. I’m a terrible person,” Sirius said with dawning, sinking awareness.

“So, just spend more time with your boyfriend. I mean, I’m not poly but maybe you just need more security in your relationship,” Regulus said, strangely wise beyond his years.

“Maybe. Maybe you’re right. It’s just… they all still live back down on the coast. Three hours away from Portland. And… everything was so new. I didn’t have time to adjust. Like, I sort of have a thing with Remus’s best friend… who is also James’s girlfriend. It’s confusing, I know…” Sirius said.

“Sounds a bit overwhelming. No wonder you’re having a hard time,” Regulus said.

A speaker overhead informed that they would soon be docking at Bainbridge Island. Sirius still wasn’t sure what he was doing. He supposed he was going home with his brother. Outside rain was pouring down. For once, he definitely wished he had an umbrella.

“You’re probably right. Umm… Regulus. Do you mind if I stay with you tonight?” Sirius asked.

Regulus laughed.

“Not at all. I’d be glad for the company. Though, really, try not to call me Regulus. Call me Dan. That’s what people here know me by,” Regulus said.

“OK. Dan. Danny. The Danster,” Sirius joked.

Regulus shook his head and said, “C’mon. Let’s go wait to get off this thing.”

“Fair enough,” Sirius said and followed Regulus out to the front of the boat where a crowd had gathered, a number of them with umbrellas.

“Don’t suppose you have an umbrella,” Sirius asked.

“Nope. We’ll be fine. The walk to my house isn’t far. Less than a mile,” Regulus grinned.

Sirius groaned, thinking he was going to get sick. Thankfully by the time they docked, the rain had eased up. They exited onto the Bainbridge Island terminal, Sirius’s heart racing. He seemed to lose his ability to speak as he followed Regulus up to the street as they walked down the sidewalk.

A couple of minutes into their walk Sirius said, “Seems nice here. Lots of shops.”

“It’s a tourist trap. You’d have to be a fool to live here if you’re not rich… or faking your death,” Regulus said.

“Ah. I guess that’s why Narcissa funnels you money,” Sirius said.

“Yeah. That and the fact that being dead makes things difficult. There are sometimes certain hurdles I can’t cross. But mostly, I just can’t get by on the money I make at work alone. I’m always afraid of what would happen if… Narcissa were to leave Lucius or something. Or if he leaves her. I’d be in a real bind,” Regulus laughed, making Sirius think back to his prior conversations encouraging Narcissa to leave her husband.

They arrived not too long after at a small home on a street corner. The front door was unlocked and the lights were on inside. As they entered, they were quickly greeted by a tall, pretty woman with very long black hair.

“Oh, we have a guest,” she said warmly.

“Yeah, Abby, this my brother… Sirius. Sirius, this is Abby… my wife,” Regulus revealed.

Sirius reached out to shake her hand but quickly found himself in her embrace.

“I’m so glad you’re here. So glad. He’s been so lonely,” Abby said and Sirius could hear she was crying.

She had an accent but he couldn’t place it.

“I’m glad too,” Sirius said as she squeezed him tight.

She pulled away, smiling and wiping her eyes.

“Hey, guys, I’m going to step outside. I need to make a call before my phone dies,” Sirius said, waggling his phone in his hand.

“Go ahead. I’ll catch Abby up on what’s going on,” Regulus said.

Sirius stepped outside. The rain had slowed but the wind was blowing leaves of red and gold around, barely visible in the setting sun.

Sirius dialed Remus’s number and he almost immediately picked up:

“Where are you? What’s going on?” Remus demanded.

“Remus, relax. Everything is fine. I’m going to text you an address. I want you to come here in the morning. It’s important. I’m on Bainbridge Island,” Sirius said.

“Sirius, everyone is worried about you. James and Lily are prepping to stage an intervention,” Remus said.

Sirius laughed.

“That’s kind of them. I don’t need that. I do need help. And we all need to talk over some things. I’ve been terrible… and dishonest. I do have a problem,” Sirius admitted, sighing as he felt the relief of speaking the truth.

“I don’t understand what you’re doing. Why are you on Bainbridge Island?” Remus said.

“I don’t want to explain over the phone. I need you to trust me. Can you trust me?” Sirius asked.

“I… I guess. I just hope you won’t let me down,” Remus said.

“I won’t. Remus… I love you. And I’m sorry… about a lot of things. But we’ll even the score. We’ll make things right. Together. I’m feeling renewed. Hopeful. I feel like I’ve just been given a second chance. I’m not going to let it pass me by,” Sirius said.

“…Are you high?” Remus asked.

Sirius laughed.

“No. Well… sort of. High on life,” Sirius said, feeling like a cliche.

“If you say so. Is there anything else you need me to do?” Remus asked.

“No. Well, yes. Call James and Lily. Tell them what I’ve told you. My phone’s about to die or I would call them myself,” Sirius said.

Just then the front door opened and Regulus said, “Abby wants to know if you want to eat with us?”

“Yeah. Of course,” Sirius said.

“Wait, who is that-“ Remus started but the phone went silent.

Sirius looked at the phone, trying to turn it back on with frustration. He sighed, hoping his brother had a spare charger lying about somewhere.

 


	7. Reckoning and Renewal

Remus couldn’t recall having been on an island before. He supposed that was neat as he walked down to the address Sirius had given him the night before. He wasn’t sure what he was about to find. Would Sirius be drunk? What if he was being held hostage and this was all just a trick to gain another hostage?

Remus knew that was all ridiculous and even if Sirius was being held hostage, he would never put Remus in danger… but still. This was all very odd.

As he approached the house, he found Sirius waiting on the front porch, drinking a mug of something that Remus suspected was coffee. Sirius nodded at him, smiling as Remus ran up.

“Hey,” Remus said.

“Hey. Sit,” Sirius said, gesturing at the chair across from him on the porch.

“Do you also want me to roll over? Perhaps, I should play dead,” Remus joked as he sat down.

“Sorry,” Sirius chuckled then asked, “Are James and Lily on their way?”

“Yeah. How did you know that? They said they didn’t want me to tell you,” Remus said.

“Dude. I’ve known James Potter a lot longer than you. If fell in a volcano, he would leap in to save me,” Sirius said.

“Fair. But yeah. They left early this morning. They should be here in an hour or so. So, what the hell is going on?” Remus asked.

“I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out where to even begin. Maybe you should just ask me questions and I’ll try to answer,” Sirius said.

“I don’t want to play games. I just want to know what’s going on. Whose house is this?” Remus insisted.

“My brother’s. My brother’s and his wife’s,” Sirius said.

“What? Your brother is dead,” Remus said, blinking with confusion.

“Not so much,” Sirius shrugged, sipping his coffee.

Remus sat there dumbstruck, not even sure what to say. Sirius laughed, apparently amused by whatever look Remus had on his face.

“Sorry. So, when did you find out? Is this what’s been bothering you?” Remus asked.

“No. This is what’s stopping me from slipping into the abyss. I only found out yesterday evening. Thanks to my cousin. She arranged a meeting without my knowing. And I chased Regulus out to here on Bainbridge Island. My baby brother. Alive, well and married,” Sirius said.

“Isn’t he a bit young to be married?” Remus said skeptically.

Sirius laughed and shrugged.

“Maybe. That’s not for me to say. He seems happy. And his wife is great. She’s Israeli it turns out. She’s a Hebrew tutor,” Sirius explained.

“Oh. That’s interesting, actually,” Remus said.

“So, anyhow. About the other stuff. My drinking…” Sirius said, looking regretful.

“You’ve got a problem,” Remus said, then exhaled.

Sirius laughed once again.

“Yeah. I do. But seeing Regs again… I think it made me realize how bad it got. Because he almost died. Because of addiction. And I don’t ever want to be like that,” Sirius said, frowning at his feet.

“Then let us help you,” Remus implored.

“Of course. I’ve gotta quit drinking. I’ll get rid of all my booze but… we need to talk,” Sirius said.

“We are talking,” Remus smirked.

“No. All of us. Me, you, James and Lily,” Sirius said.

“Oh,” Remus said.

The rain was starting to pick up. Remus was grateful he hadn’t gotten soaked on his way here.

“There is… something I need to tell you. Without them present,” Sirius said, looking nervous as he set his coffee mug down.

“Oh… well, go ahead then,” Remus encouraged.

“I had sex with someone I met at the club,” Sirius said, his grey eyes cold with shame.

“Oh. Really?” Remus said, unsure how he should react.

“Yeah. It was stupid. I just… felt so lost. Helpless,” Sirius said.

“I wish you would’ve told me,” Remus said.

“Yeah, I should’ve told you about having sex with him… I was just ashamed,” Sirius said.

“No. I meant you should’ve told me how you felt,” Remus said and Sirius looked stunned.

“I know. I’m sorry,” Sirius replied, pulling his hair back with his hands, seeming stressed.

“I love you, Sirius. I don’t care if you have sex with other people. But holding all these feelings in isn’t healthy,” Remus said.

“I know that!” Sirius snapped, looking immediately remorseful, shaking his head.

“I want you to feel like you can talk to me,” Remus said.

Sirius sighed and stood up.

“But what if I’m not OK? What if this _is_ all too much for me?” Sirius said, visibly shaking.

“Then we should definitely talk about it,” Remus said.

“But… everything hinges on it. If I say, well, I’m not actually OK then everything falls apart and it would be my fault!” Sirius said, looking pained.

“Then I guess it should fall apart,” Remus said honestly.

Sirius just stared down at him, seemingly frozen in fear.

“I-I don’t want it to fall apart,” Sirius said, his eyes shining with tears.

“Then let’s work on it. Together,” Remus said, standing up and walking over to Sirius.

Remus took one of Sirius’s hands and held them to his chest, his hands folded over. Sirius sniffled then pushed forward, kissing Remus’s mouth hard. They pulled away and Remus let Sirius’s hand go. Remus didn’t want everything to fall apart either. But he couldn’t let Sirius destroy himself to keep it together. He would only be delaying the inevitable.

They sat back down and minutes later James and Lily pulled up, parking at the curb.

“This is gonna be fun,” Sirius whispered then grunted.

“What the hell is going on, Sirius?” James demanded as he marched up the porch steps.

“What James actually meant to say was, Hi!” Lily waved as she came up behind him.

“Hi, Lily. James… actually, hang on,” Sirius said and he got up, popping into the house.

In a moment, a figure emerged with Sirius, looking disturbingly similar in the face.

“Holy fucking shit,” James said and Remus had never seen him look more shocked.

“Hey, James. You remember me, right?” the man, who was obviously Regulus Black said.

“Fuck yes, I remember you. How is this possible? I’ve seen your grave,” James said, his eyes searching Regulus as if he were looking for some visual clue that would let this make sense.

“I got better? It’s a long story. Sirius will fill you in. Are you guys hungry? Abby is making breakfast,” Regulus smiled.

“I might be once the fucking shock wears off,” James said, removing his glasses to rub his eyes.

“Yes, I’m famished but I’m vegan,” Lily said.

“Oh, Abby’s vegetarian,” Regulus said.

“Oh, cool. Close enough,” Lily chuckled.

“OK, Regs. I still need to talk to these guys. Then we can have breakfast,” Sirius said.

“All right. Nice meeting you,” Regulus said, gesturing at Lily and Remus.

Regulus went inside and Sirius sat back down. Sirius inhaled then retold James and Lily the story of how he came to discover his brother was alive, both of them equally astonished.

“Fuck, man. You could turn that into a book,” James said.

“Well, obviously I won’t. Gotta help protect his cover. Though I think… I don’t know. I can’t speak for him but I’d think facing the legal consequences is better than living in hiding his whole life,” Sirius said.

“OK, so what about you? We need to talk about your drinking,” James said.

“I think I can handle that on my own. I haven’t even been drinking every day. But it was… starting to go that way. Every time I felt… bad. Don’t worry. I’ll get into therapy as soon as possible,” Sirius said.

“What can we do?” Lily said, coming over and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Tell us what you need,” James added.

“I need… to feel OK. I need to feel OK with you and Remus. This summer… I felt OK. There was some nagging discomfort but… I could’ve dealt with it. But I was alone in Portland. I cried as soon as I got there because I had never been so alone,” Sirius admitted.

“Sweetie,” Lily said softly and Sirius placed a hand over hers.

“Ever since Regs died… well, since I _thought_ he died, I’ve been bottling everything up. But cracks were starting to form. I had opened my heart to love and that meant opening it to pain. It wasn’t just that James and Remus were together. It was that… I wasn’t with Remus and James was. And stupid thoughts enter my head. Oh, maybe Remus will realize how much better James is than me and will lose interest,” Sirius said.

“That’s ridiculous. I thought you were the one pulling away,” Remus said.

“I know that! I was trying to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I push you away you can’t leave me,” Sirius said, sounding frustrated, possibly with himself.

James looked at Lily and Remus with sadness then said, “Lily… what do we do? I don’t know how to navigate something like this.”

“Let’s start with figuring out what Sirius needs and work from there,” Lily said, rubbing Sirius’s back.

“I need to feel less alone. I kind of love Portland but… being there alone isn’t healthy for me. The way I cope… isn’t good,” Sirius said.

“Why don’t you get a roommate?” James suggested.

Sirius laughed and shook his head.

“I don’t think I get along that well with others, if I’m being honest,” Sirius replied.

“Do you want to come home? I’m sure I could work something out with Dorcas,” Lily asked.

“But what about his career? This job was a big deal. That’s why you took this chance,” James said.

“This job is boring. Sure, it gives me something to put on a CV but… this isn’t what I want to be doing. And I certainly don’t need the money,” Sirius laughed.

“Sirius… how much money did you get from your mother?” James asked.

Sirius groaned.

“I was hoping to avoid that question,” Sirius said.

“It’s _not_ any of our business,” Lily said, glaring at everyone.

“No, it’s fine, Lils. She left me a bit over a million. I currently have a little under a million. Furniture and what have you,” Sirius said, gesturing dismissively.

“Jesus,” James gasped.

“Ditto,” Remus said.

“Whatever. It’s just money. I don’t care about money. I didn’t even want it. I’m going to give a bunch of it to charity once I can figure out the best ones to give it to. But the point is… I can survive. I could live anywhere I wanted but I just want to be with all of you,” Sirius said and reached out, a hand towards James and Lily and another one across to Remus.

James and Lily grabbed his right hand and Remus his left. He smiled at them each individually.

“And we want to be wherever you are,” James said.

Sirius beamed with pride at them all and said, “I’ll finish out the internship and move back at the end of November. That gives you time to get things sorted down there. And time for me to wrap up loose ends.”

“Sirius, what if every weekend you’re still there, one of us comes and visits you,” Lily offered.

“How would that work out? Remus can’t drive,” Sirius said.

“I’d be happy to drive him there and back,” Lily said.

“Me too,” James grinned.

“Sirius, do you think you can make it home for our anti-Thanksgiving dinner?” Lily asked.

“Yeah. I don’t know what I’m doing to do with my furniture. I might have to put some stuff in storage,” Sirius said.

“Don’t worry about that. We’ll figure it out,” James said.

“You should invite your brother,” Lily suggested.

“You’re about to have breakfast with him. Invite him yourself,” Remus grinned.

“Oh. Right,” Lily laughed.

“Speaking of which… let’s go inside, shall we. I’m so hungry I can barely see,” James said, Remus supposing the shock had worn off now.

“Yeah. Let’s do that,” Sirius said, standing up and looking affectionately at them all, saying, “Thank you. Thank you all for being understanding. Thank you for caring. Thank you for… being patient.”

The three of them wrapped around Sirius, squeezing him and squeezing each other.

“That’s what family is for,” James said.

“I suppose it is. I suppose it is,” Sirius said and they released then went inside.

* * *

 

“I guess we should all be heading out,” Sirius said, standing up from the sofa, not wanting to go but knowing they needed to.

Abby made a sad sound and said, “Oh no! We’re having so much fun.”

“Sirius is right. A lot of driving to do. Sirius has to get back to Portland and the rest of us have to get home,” James said, standing up as well.

“My legs hurt just thinking about it,” Lily grumbled.

“It was so nice meeting you all,” Abby said, jumping up and giving everyone hugs one by one.

“Yeah. It was nice meeting you,” Regulus said, standing up.

Lily went over and hugged him, saying, “Think about coming to our anti-Thanksgiving?”

“I will. You’ll understand why I’m nervous. But I will think about it,” Regulus replied.

“Great,” Lily said, letting him go.

Sirius walked over to his brother, pulling him close.

“I’ve missed you. I’m sorry… I’m sorry for everything,” Sirius said, thinking so much had still been left unsaid.

“I’m sorry too,” Regulus said.

Sirius pulled away. He realised that at some point he would need to have a conversation with Andromeda but that would have to be saved for another day.

They all walked out to James and Lily’s car. They would have to drive him downtown so he could retrieve his car and whatever he had left in his hotel room. They thankfully didn’t have to wait long to get on a ferry. Once they were parked inside the ferry, the four of them went up on the top deck.

“Rain clouds and mountains,” Lily observed as they ferry took them across Puget Sound.

“Bet it’s beautiful in the spring,” Remus said.

“I don’t know. I like it now. The drizzling gloom. Must be my English blood,” Sirius said.

“Imagine getting a boathouse. You could move it around. Live on the water or wherever you dock. Sort of romantic,” James said.

Lily wrapped an arm around him and said, “Remus, wasn’t your mother moving to Seattle?”

“Yeah, she’s still thinking about it. She has a friend up here,” Remus said.

“Interesting,” Lily said.

Sirius glanced at all of them. They had perhaps cleared a hurdle today but he realised there might be more in the future. Things were pulling them towards Seattle but he wasn’t sure what would happen if they all wanted to move and Lily wanted to stay. James wouldn’t abandon Lily, especially if she got pregnant.

Sirius decided that was probably a conversation better had until after he was moved back in. Things had changed so much in the last year. One thing at a time.

The ferry arrived back in Seattle and they drove into the city. Sirius felt sad. This weekend had been strange, sudden and sort of magical. He wasn’t ready for it to end, even if the following weekend Remus was coming back to stay with him in Portland.

They found a place to temporarily park downtown, by some miracle, and they all said goodbye to him. Sirius wasn’t looking forward to driving back to Portland alone but he also thought it might be good to have to live with his thoughts for a few hours.

It was dark before he arrived in Portland. James and Lily had of course left his apartment spotless and tidy. For a moment Sirius felt like he might cry as he stumbled towards his bed, completely exhausted. But instead he, fell back against the bed with a slight smile on his face. All things told, things were looking up for the first time since he moved to Portland.

* * *

 

The next day at work, Sirius asked Aurora to come speak to him out in the hall.

“What’s up?” she asked.

“I just wanted to let you know… I’ve already told Michael but… I’m going to move back down the coast around Thanksgiving,” Sirius said.

“Oh,” Aurora said, frowning.

“Yeah. I mean this internship was going to end in December anyway,” Sirius said.

“Well, I guess you gotta do what’s best for you. But I’ll miss you. I hate how… you know, how you can know someone for such a short time and you really start to connect with them. And then suddenly they’re gone and you feel like you should’ve made better use of the time you had,” Aurora said with a small chuckle.

Sirius laughed.

“I just thought you were being nice because I was new,” Sirius laughed.

“Aww. Hell no. Give me a hug,” she said and Sirius accepted her open arms.

“I mean, we’ve got cell phones and the internet now. We can stay in touch,” Sirius said as she released him from her tight embrace.

“Yeah. We can. I hope we will. You’re cool. We should hang out before you go. I’ll come over to your place. Stay the night and just… hang out somewhere that’s not loud,” Aurora laughed.

“Yeah. I’ll be honest in that I don’t think the club scene is my thing,” Sirius said.

“Dude, you should’ve said something!” Aurora said, placing a hand on her hip.

Sirius scratched the back of his head and laughed.

“Yeah, probably. I just thought you were cool and I wanted to be cool too,” Sirius explained.

“You _are_ cool. I wouldn’t be hangin’ out with you if I didn’t think you were cool,” Aurora said, shaking her head.

Sirius smiled at her bashfully. Aurora sighed.

“It _is_ a shame you’re leaving. My roommate is moving out at the end of the year. I was gonna ask if you wanted to move in,” she said.

“Ah. Well, I’m glad to know there’s some universe in the multiverse where that happens. That would’ve been cool,” Sirius said.

Aurora hugged him again, laying her head on his chest.

“Don’t be a stranger. Promise me,” Aurora said.

“I promise. Same to you. I hope our paths cross again,” Sirius said.

“Me too,” she said and kissed him on the cheek then headed back into the office.

 


	8. Spoiled with Love

If Remus felt bad for Lily driving him all the way up to visit Sirius, that disappeared as soon as Sirius let him into his apartment. The moment Sirius closed the door, Remus quickly leaned into his mouth, pushing Sirius against the nearest wall, nearly knocking over a picture frame.

“Damn, happy to see me?” Sirius asked as Remus buried his lips into the crook of his neck.

“Yeah. I still feel some unfinished business from last weekend. And I’ve been edging myself all week,” Remus breathed into his neck.

“Hmm. Nice. I can be onboard with this,” Sirius replied, moving a hand to Remus’s groin, lest there was any doubt remaining.

“You pleased me the last time we saw each other. It’s my turn,” Remus said, starting to kiss down Sirius’s neck to his shirt.

“You don’t want to get somewhere more comfortable?” Sirius asked.

“No. I need it right here, right now,” Remus said, smiling up at Sirius as he bit his lip.

“No complaints from me,” Sirius replied, preemptively spreading his legs a little.

Remus was down on his knees quickly, unbuttoning and unzipping him then pulling down his pants and underwear as fast as he could. He slid two fingers between Sirius’s legs, feeling how wet he already was. Sirius made a soft little moan as the tips of Remus’s fingers brushed his clit.

Remus smiled up at Sirius, then curved his tongue to flick Sirius’s clit, eliciting a moan that made him clamp a hand over his mouth.

“Shit!” Sirius called down.

“Right, we’re next to the door. Guess you’ll have to keep quiet,” Remus winked.

“Bastard,” Sirius said as Remus licked his clit.

Remus dug in deep, making sure Sirius knew he was in control right now, as his hands gripped his hips, pulling him close to his mouth. The hand clamped over his mouth couldn’t muffle all of Sirius’s moans and that was how Remus liked it.

Remus wet a finger then pushed it inside Sirius, basking in the feel of him, so warm and soft, while Sirius breathed hard from above. Remus could feel his own cock, desperately aching for attention in his pants.

“Remus… I’m gonna come. So hard,” Sirius uttered then clamped a hand back over his mouth.

Seconds later, Sirius let out loud moan, his hand slipping part way as his body jerked against the wall.

“Fuck!” Sirius called out, Remus not stopping below.

Sirius pushed Remus’s face away from his groin and Remus moved back up to his face, kissing him. Sirius moved his mouth to Remus’s ear and whispered, “Bed.”

Remus grinned and nodded. They both began to undress as they made their way to the bed. Sirius was somehow naked and lying back on the bed before Remus had even arrived there, just barely getting his underwear off.

Sirius reached into his bottom drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom, handing both to Remus. Remus put the condom on, relieved that he didn’t have to fumble with it too much. He then poured some of the lube in his hand then rubbed it all over his cock while Sirius watched with glee.

“Come on. Just get it in. I need you,” Sirius said and Remus hopped on the bed, sliding between Sirius’s open legs.

Remus guided the head of his cock to Sirius’s hole, gently pushing inside. Sirius grunted and Remus asked, “Is it OK?”

“Yes. Just keep going,” Sirius urged and Remus rocked his hips, letting it slowly slide in and out, gradually getting deeper.

Once he was as deep as he could get, Sirius reached up to touch Remus’s face with two hands and said, “Fuck me. Don’t hold back. You won’t hurt me.”

Remus leaned down, kissing Sirius as he began to thrust. Sirius’s moans were everything and Remus longed for closeness, even as Sirius wrapped his arms around him.

“Feels so good. Love you. Love you so much,” Sirius said as Remus thrust harder, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to hold on.

“Sirius… I can’t last. Too close,” Remus breathed.

“Don’t. Just pound it. Come!” Sirius urged and Remus started to slam into him.

The friction was too much and Remus’s feet shook as he came, feeling like his insides were trying to squeeze every last drop of come from his body as pleasure filled him completely.

“Yes, that’s good,” Sirius said as Remus moaned, kissing his shoulder.

Remus unclenched his thighs and collapsed onto Sirius, confident he had given all he had, suddenly feeling very hot and tired.

“Wow,” Remus said in a daze.

Sirius laughed and kissed his cheek.

“That’s what I was about to say,” Sirius replied.

Remus felt like time had frozen. He knew he should probably move but the notion seemed undesirable.

“Guess I better get this condom off,” Remus said, finally pulling out and sliding off Sirius.

“Yeah. Then let’s cuddle on the sofa and watch some TV?” Sirius said, sitting up.

“Sounds nice. Let’s just stay like that all weekend,” Remus said, winking at Sirius then heading to the bathroom.

* * *

 

The following weekend was Halloween and Lily was visiting. She had somehow roped Sirius into going to the Halloween party at the gay club. He supposed it was his own fault for telling her about it.

“Do I look ridiculous?” Sirius asked, from the confines of his costume.

“You look hot,” Lily winked.

“I am hot. Literally hot. This costume is a sauna,” Sirius grumbled, and pulled off the head.

“Oh. Wow, turns out there was a really cute boy beneath that dog costume,” Lily giggled.

Sirius felt himself blush. He had forgotten the way Lily radiated warmth as if the sun resided in her very heart.

“Maybe I should lose the head. But I saw it and I couldn’t resist. A big black dog costume to match my Marauders tattoo,” Sirius said, patting where the tattoo was on his arm beneath the shaggy costume.

“It’ll give you mystique. I guess you should maybe pull it off when we go in? So they don’t just think you’re a really tall kid sneaking in,” Lily laughed.

“Thank God for stubble,” Sirius said, rubbing his chin.

His facial hair wasn’t what he wanted it to be but the feeling was still good. Lily, for her part, was putting the finishing touches on her Winter Soldier costume.

“You know if Remus could see you right now he’d pop a tint. You know how he feels about Marvel,” Sirius laughed.

“Then take a picture,” Lily said, putting the mask on her face and flexing with her arm that was covered in a plastic facsimile of the Winter Soldier’s metal arm.

Sirius picked up his phone from the counter and snapped a picture of Lily, sending it straight to Remus, free of comment.

“There. He’ll appreciate that,” Sirius said.

“He better. You ready?” Lily asked.

“Unfortunately,” Sirius said, placing the dog head back on his shoulders.

The worst thing about going to the club was avoiding drinking. He still didn’t think of himself as an alcoholic but he couldn’t really be sure what it would take to cause him to end up back on that slope.

On the other hand, he realized that with Lily around he didn’t need to be drunk. Her warmth of spirit was enough to make him feel intoxicated. He and Lily danced sober to a mix of Halloween related songs, including three different versions of the Monster Mash.

“Can I cut in?” a familiar voice asked from behind Sirius.

“Which one of us are you asking?” Lily asked as Sirius turned around.

It was Ludo Bagman.

“The dog. It’s Sirius, right? I saw you take the head off a bit ago. Thought I’d say hi,” Ludo said with a grin that looked far too pleased with himself.

“That’s OK. I’m good. Nice to see you,” Sirius lied, not even removing his dog head.

“Oh. Well… all right. Suit yourself,” Ludo said, scowling as he walked away.

Lily, saint that she was, didn’t inquire as to who he was. Sirius did look out for Narcissa but she was nowhere to be found. Perhaps now that she knew he frequented this club she decided to go elsewhere. The sad thing was that after she had helped him reunite with is brother, Sirius felt more inclined to get to know her. He also wanted to try to convince her to help Regulus reveal he was still alive.

Sirius barely noticed when it was time for the club to close. In the nearly two months he’d been living in Portland it was the most fun he’d had. After that he and Lily went home, both of them taking showers before climbing into his bed to watch some horror movies on his laptop, Sirius laying behind Lily to watch the screen over her shoulder.

“You can hold me if you want,” Lily suggested.

Sirius found he did want to, scooting closer, his body forming around her body and placing a hand on the bare part of her thigh, not covered by shorts. This was a good feeling. He felt a fluttering in his belly that spread all over, making him warm and cosy next to her.

At some point he was barely noticing the movie, only noticing her and his own comfort. She felt so warm and he had an urge to explore her body to find out where else she might be warm. Lily seemed to shift against him, almost as if she could read his thoughts.

“Do you want to touch me?” Lily asked.

“I have thought about it,” Sirius admitted.

“Only if you’re ready,” Lily said, perhaps remembering that time they nearly did over the summer.

“I think I am,” Sirius said and Lily made a happy moan as Sirius’s hands slid up her shorts, sliding beneath the band as she lifted her leg to give him room to maneuver.

Sirius had never had sex with someone with a clitoris before but he supposed he had plenty of experience with his own. He kissed the back of her head as his fingers explored wet heat.

Lily, for her part, seemed quiet and still, aside from her breath and those soft little moans that sounded like heaven. Whatever doubts he had about his own abilities were quickly quelled, Lily moaning high in climax sooner than he expected.

“Mmm. That was nice,” Lily said, sounding sleepy and euphoric.

“Glad to hear it,” Sirius said, Lily’s heard turning behind her as Sirius kissed her.

Lily pulled away and said, “I’m kinda sleepy but I could literally give head asleep, blindfolded with my arms tied behind my back.”

Sirius wasted no time lying back, Lily between his legs and pulling down his pyjamas in a flash. Despite how tired she had seemed, she was nothing but enthusiastic as she ate him out, bringing him to two climaxes as payment for the one he had given her.

And then made out for a while, both of them half naked. At some point consciousness gave way to sleep. When Sirius awoke Lily was still there and he thought he had never felt closer to her.

* * *

 

“Hey babe,” James said as he came into the bedroom.

“Hey,” Lily said, smirking at him from behind her laptop screen.

“Sorry I’m home so late. Was out playing soccer. I still miss it. When they ask… I just can’t say no,” he laughed.

“It’s fine. We having sex?” Lily asked.

“As if I’m not already tired and sore,” James said, pulling down his shorts.

“At least you’re showered. I’ve been _really_ horny today. I got really into camming today. Like I’m so used to it that normally it’s like riding a bike. I don’t even think about it. But today I was just like fucking myself and thinking about you. Thinking about getting some dick,” Lily said, setting her laptop aside and quickly pulling off her tee-shirt and shorts.

“You might have to be on top. I don’t know if I have it in me,” James said, yawning as he flopped onto the bed, his dick already hard.

Lily was more than ready to go herself, rushing around the room to grab the lube, quickly lubing him up then climbing on top, moaning with relief as she slid him inside.

“Oh yeah. I needed that. Mmm,” Lily said, beginning to rock her pelvis.

“Damn. You weren’t joking. Holy shit,” James said, Lily holding nothing back.

“Nope. Just needed to… feel you,” Lily said, her hands exploring the shape of his chest as she rocked hard and fast.

James looked almost shocked, like he couldn’t believe this was happening. He reached up to cup her breasts, squeezing her nipples. She winced as they were unbelievably sensitive right now.

“Can’t hold on, babe. I can’t…” James said.

“Good,” Lily said with a smirk, bouncing hard as he cringed and moaned.

Lily squeezed him tightly inside of her, holding him deep. She smiled as James remained silent, only gasping as he pulsed inside of her.

“Woo,” James said then laughed.

“Yeah. Woo. Damn. You came a lot,” Lily said, still not wanting to lift up.

“Yeah, well, I had some help,” he said and Lily laughed.

“I guess you did,” she said and leaned down to kiss him.

* * *

 

“What do you think?” James asked, gritting his teeth in anticipation.

“It’s cool. I mean… I don’t really do video games but it seems cool,” Sirius said, sliding James’s laptop back over to him.

“Really? Thanks. I’ve been working on this demo for months,” James explained.

“Who else have you shown it to?” Sirius asked, leaning back on his sofa.

“Lily, obviously. A few people at school. I’d like to build it into a full game but I’d need to hire some people for all the art. I could also sell to some company, I guess,” James said.

“You should complete it yourself,” Sirius said, reaching over to pat James on the shoulder.

“Maybe. I just don’t have a ton of free time,” James said, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes.

“If Lily gets pregnant you’re gonna have even less,” Sirius pointed out.

“Yeah. If she does. We’ve been kind of talking about it. We’ve been going at it pretty hard for a couple of months. If she doesn’t get pregnant before Christmas we might both get our fertility checked. Neither of us know for sure we are capable. And believe me, I haven’t minded giving it my best go. But if something is wrong it would be best to know,” James said.

There was a knock at the door. Sirius hopped up and ran across his apartment.

“Heyyy,” a voice said as he opened.

“James, come meet my co-worker, Aurora,” Sirius said.

James lifted off the couch and strode over to the kitchen with a smile and an extended hand.

“James Potter. Pleased to meet you,” he said as he shook her hand.

“Aurora Sinistra. Same,” she said.

She was a pretty woman. Tall with the most beautiful head of natural hair James had ever seen. James realized how much he was smiling and felt embarrassed, his cheeks feeling flushed as he looked away. He was so weak when it came to good looking people.

“So, Sirius tells me you’re from the bay too. I’m from Oakland,” Aurora said.

“Yeah. Born and raised,” James said.

“Cool,” Aurora replied, raising her hand for a high-five, which he quickly granted her.

“So, who’s up for some board games?” Aurora asked, pointing at the pile she had placed on the counter.

“Sounds great,” James said.

“Cool. I’m gonna pee. You boys can set it up,” she said, taking off to Sirius’s bathroom.

“She seems cool,” James whispered.

“She is. Shame I didn’t have more time to get to know her,” Sirius replied.

“Always good to have connections. Never know when you might need them,” James winked.

“I suppose so,” Sirius laughed and they began to open Ticket to Ride.

* * *

 

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Remus said, Sirius seated directly on his lap, on his back porch.

“I can’t believe _you’re_ doing it. You’re terrified of heights,” Sirius said, very slowly and slightly riding Remus.

“It’s dark and I’m… distracted,” Remus said, moving his mouth to Sirius’s neck and sucking.

“Mmm. You keep doing that and I’m not going to be able to stay quiet,” Sirius warned.

“No one can see us. We’re both mostly closed. Even if someone comes out to their balcony it’ll just look like we’re holding each other,” Remus said.

“I don’t even care. Right now I’m with you and that’s all I care about,” Sirius said and they kissed.

It was kind of nice to be in this position, Remus thought. Just taking it slow and living in the moment. Neither of them were rushing to finish. Remus wasn’t sure how long they’d been out there and he didn’t care.

They just talked. They flirted and watched the stars, as the night was remarkably clear for that time of year. When they both came, Remus realized he had cried a little. He held Sirius close to his chest, feeling his heart slamming against his own heart.

“I love you,” Remus said.

Sirius kissed the side of Remus’s head and said, “You know I do too.”

* * *

 

“One week. Are you excited?” Lily asked, having just climbed out of bed.

Sirius was toiling away in his kitchen making what was hopefully going to be a delightful vegan breakfast.

“Yeah. I’m mostly packed. As you can see thanks to all the boxes. Remus helped a lot last weekend. I’m not so excited about dealing with movers and storage but I am excited about waking up every day and having you all there,” he said.

“You look good. This last month has really worked wonders for you,” Lily said, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist, nuzzling his upper back.

“Thanks. It’s been good. Healing. I haven’t had a drink. I’ve had companionship. Work has actually been all right. I’ve had… a surprising amount of sex,” Sirius snickered.

“Yeah, James told me about that threesome you had with your coworker. Hot,” Lily joked.

“Huh?” Sirius said, turning sharply towards her.

Lily laughed.

“Just messing with you,” Lily winked and grabbed her purse, heading into the bathroom.

Once in the bathroom, Lily casually reached into her overnight bag, pulling out the pregnancy test she had bought the other day. Her period was a few days late. She didn’t want to make too much of a fuss, though. She had even told James. She tried to remain calm as she read the instructions then prepared it.

Peeing on a stick felt about as stupid as she expected. She set it aside and pulled out her phone, setting a timer for three minutes then finding some YouTube videos to watch while she waited. She could feel anxiety creeping at the back of her mind and just as she had started to push it back, the timer went off.

She took a deep breath as she stood up from the side of the bathtub where she had been seated, walking over to pick up the stick from the counter. She looked at the result and laughed. She set it down and immediately called James. She was afraid he would still be asleep but he luckily picked up.

“Are you awake?” Lily asked, literally bouncing with excitement in Sirius’s bathroom.

“Vaguely. What’s up?” he asked.

“You’re going to be a father,” Lily said.

“Really?” James almost shouted, sounding drastically more awake.

“Yep. Eeeee. I’m so excited,” Lily said, wiping at her eyes.

“Me too. Damn. I wish you were here. Make Sirius give you lots of hugs and kisses for me,” James said.

“Will do. I love you. So much,” Lily said.

“I love you too. Enjoy your weekend,” James replied.

“Thanks. Bye,” Lily said and they both hung up.

Lily rushed into the kitchen.

“I’m pregnant!” she shouted, like she had just won an Olympic gold medal.

“Awesome!” Sirius said and gave her a high five.

Lily wasn’t willing to settle for a high five and gave Sirius a big hug, perhaps the biggest she had ever given him. It was as much for James as it was for either of them.

“You’re gonna be a great mom. I just know it,” Sirius said, kissing the top of her head.

“Yeah. Though think of the family this kid is going to have. So much love. He’ll be spoiled,” Lily said, still gripping Sirius tightly.

“Every child should be spoiled for love. Every single one,” Sirius said and Lily couldn’t have agreed more.


	9. Thankful

“Why do empty spaces seem so much bigger than when they were full?” Sirius asked.

“More room for love. And memories. Good times and bad,” Aurora said, leaning against his kitchen counter.

Sirius turned to smile at her.

“Thanks for helping me today. I could’ve done it all myself, you know,” Sirius said.

“I had to say goodbye, didn’t I?” she replied.

Sirius made a small laugh then came over to give her a hug.

“I hope we see each other again,” Sirius said, squeezing her tightly.

“I _know_ we will,” Aurora said and Sirius released her.

“Well, I hope you’re right then,” Sirius replied.

Aurora snickered and said, “Hey, I didn’t say I guessed. I know. When I meet cool people I don’t let them slip out of my life forever.”

“I’m not cool. Everyone always says I’m cool. What, because I have long hair, no respect for authority and good fashion sense that makes me cool?” Sirius joked.

“You got it,” she winked.

“Walk me to my car?” Sirius asked.

She nodded and they left. Sirius hated goodbyes. There were so many things he loved about Portland. Aurora was definitely one of them. Sirius wondered if this was what adulthood was. He wondered if you just learned to accept that things change, sometimes very fast, sometimes very slow. People come into your life and then disappear again, only for you to later realize that years have passed and you’ll never find them again.

When he arrived in Portland nearly three months before he told himself that he only needed to hold onto the thread with Remus. He thought if he could do that he would survive Portland. The damned funny thing was that the real thread he was trying to hold onto was himself. He had so nearly unraveled.

Even still, as he hugged Aurora one last time before getting into his car he felt again like there was a thread he needed to hold onto. But no. He would let go. For the moment. It was scary doing that. It felt like putting out a candle when you are surrounded by darkness, lost in endless corridors. He had to have faith that if the thread was meant to be found again, it would be found again. That was all he could do.

As Sirius drove back down the coast he felt a sense of failure. He didn’t feel it until he was alone for hours in his car, barreling down the interstate as farms and rolling hills flew past him. He had tried something and not been successful. In fact, he had made himself worse. He had damaged those around him a little too.

He knew if James were there he would tell him that it was OK to fail. He would remind him that he learned things about himself. Sirius would be annoyed. James was always so annoying when he was right.

He felt somewhat better by the time he hit the coast. It was, at least, a clear day. He had missed the sight of the sun shining down on the pacific coast and the way the ocean waves spoke to something endless, connecting the entire world.

When he finally hit the town, he had butterflies in his stomach. It felt like home, not because of the town but because of the people who lived there. He would see them all soon. Never mind Lily, Remus and James. He would see Mary, Dorcas and Peter again. He cursed himself for how little he had thought about Peter all this time. He had made a few attempts to convince him to visit Portland but they had all gone nowhere.

The house looked exactly as it had when he had left. Remus was sitting on the front steps, grinning like a child about to receive a gift. Sirius stepped out of the car, walking swiftly towards Remus, resisting the urge to run.

“You’re back,” Remus said.

“You’re damn right I am,” Sirius said, embracing Remus as he stood up.

Remus sighed in his arms and whatever thoughts of failures or lost threads he had went away. Sirius heard the front door open and he looked up to see the smiling faces of Lily and James.

Remus let Sirius go and he dashed up the steps, wrapping his arms around both them, pulling tightly.

“Welcome home,” Lily said.

“Your room is waiting for you,” James said, patting Sirius on the back.

“Thanks. Erm… where did you guys put Mary?” Sirius asked, stepping back.

“We kicked everyone out, obviously. Bunch of no good slackers,” James smirked.

Lily elbowed James and he laughed.

“Mary moved into the basement. He’s gone most of the time anyway. Peter and Dorcas moved upstairs. It’s not perfect and they are talking about getting their own place. But it works for now and you get your old room,” Lily explained.

“How are you feeling?” Sirius asked Lily.

Lily laughed and shook her head.

“I’m pregnant not ill. But I’m fine. It’s still early. Also… can you kind of not mention it to anyone? I want to hold off on the announcement. Just in case, you know,” Lily said, making a regretful face.

“I understand. Mum’s the word,” Sirius promised.

“Great. So let’s get you unpacked. When is the rest of your stuff coming?” James asked.

“I’ll deal with that later. For now I’m just… glad to be home,” Sirius said and joined them as they all walked inside.

* * *

 

“I can’t sleep,” Lily said, her eyes fastened on the darkness of the ceiling.

“What’s up?” James asked, rolling over to place a hand on her arm and kiss her cheek.

“Thanksgiving,” Lily replied.

“Anti-thanksgiving,” James pointed out.

“You know what I mean. It’s a lot of cooking. It’s a lot of cooking things that I’ve never cooked before,” Lily said.

“Well, it’s not going to be any easier if you don’t get sleep,” James yawned.

“Not helping, James,” Lily sighed.

“Sorry. Isn’t Marlene going to help?” James asked.

Lily shrugged.

“I think so. Maybe,” Lily said.

“She’s a lot more experienced than you. I wouldn’t worry,” James said.

“And yet, here I am. Worrying,” Lily said, biting her lip and thinking how in the past she might’ve smoked some weed to deal with this anxiety.

She hadn’t had any weed since summer. Now she wouldn’t have any weed again until the end of next summer at the earliest. She groaned as something obvious hit her.

“I just realized something. Shit,” Lily whimpered.

“What’s that?” James replied, sounding more alert and scooting closer to her, laying his head on her pillow.

“I thought I’d be able to smoke weed maybe a month or two after the baby is born. But that’s not true. I can’t smoke it and breastfeed. I’ll have to wait until I’m done breastfeeding. It’ll be… over a year from now before I can safely smoke again,” Lily said.

“Oh. Right. Damn. Well, don’t worry. I’ll be right there with you. If you can’t smoke it I won’t either,” James said.

“Was this stupid?” Lily asked.

“Was what stupid?” James asked.

“You and me. Having a baby. We’re not even married,” Lily observed.

“Do… you want to get married?” James asked.

“No. Is that bad?” Lily asked.

It took James a moment to reply, perhaps considering his words.

“I mean, we’re still young,” James said.

“Old enough to have a baby, not old enough to get married? You realize how stupid that sounds, right?” Lily snapped, angry at herself not him.

James sighed.

“I thought this is what you wanted?” James replied.

“It was. It is. I do want this,” Lily said.

“Then what’s the point? If it’s what you want then what’s the problem?” James said.

“The problem is that I know it’s stupid. I know that I got caught up in the whimsy of the summer and new love. And family. I just wanted something… God it’s so stupid. But I think I thought that I could give our family a child. That’s… so stupid,” Lily said, wiping tears from her eyes with the back of a hand.

“Do you not want the baby?” James asked.

“Of course I do. I’ve never not wanted it. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be rational for one damn moment. This isn’t that smart. This entire notion relies on you and having all this help. If I didn’t have all this-“ Lily started.

“But you do,” James cut her off.

“I know. It just feels… stupid and privileged. Like I’m some little idiot just having a baby for funsies because it’s cute,” Lily said, sitting up and grabbing tissues from her nightstand.

“Do you really think you’re a little idiot having a baby for funsies because it’s cute?” James said, sounding skeptical.

“No. Of course not. It’s not like this was the first time I thought about having a baby. It’s something I’ve always wanted. I did think it would happen later. And I know that it would be good to have a kid early so that when they are grown up I won’t be old. At the same time, I had friends who got pregnant right after high school and I thought they were so stupid,” Lily said.

James wrapped an arm around her, leaning over to kiss her bare shoulder.

“Well, you aren’t stupid. Is this a little privileged? I guess. There’s no use whining about what you have. You have me and all the people who live in this house. There’s nothing wrong with using what you have. Let’s just move forward and focus on giving our baby the best that we can,” James said.

Lily tossed a tissue in the trash and laughed.

“Shit. Sorry I just had a breakdown. Thank you for… talking me down,” Lily said, turning to him and smiling.

James leaned over, their lips softly gliding together in the dark before pulling away.

“I’m feeling tired again,” Lily said.

“Great. Let’s get some rest,” James replied, yawning and stretching.

* * *

 

Remus awoke with an arm over his face. He grunted and moved it aside. Sirius groaned and Remus laughed.

“Good morning,” Remus said.

“Oh? Morning,” Sirius said then yawned.

“How’d you sleep? Was it as uncomfortable for you as it was for me?” Remus asked.

“No. I guess. Now that I try to move I feel sore… and I think my foot is asleep. Shit,” Sirius said.

“What time is it?” Remus asked.

Sirius reached over and picked up Remus’s phone off his desk, looking at the time.

“Almost eleven,” Sirius replied.

“Shit. That explains why I can smell food. Lily was going to get up early to cook,” Remus said, climbing over Sirius to get out of bed.

Sirius whimpered and said, “You’re leaving?”

“I need to pee. And brush my teeth. I’ll be back,” Remus promised as he pulled on his pyjama bottoms.

“OK,” Sirius said, yawning again.

When Remus got back from the bathroom he found that Sirius was awake and standing at the attic window, still naked.

“I’m glad you spent the night up here. Even if it was uncomfortable,” Remus said, coming up behind Sirius and putting his arms around him, a memory of Seattle replaying in his mind.

“I might spend tonight in my own bed, though. I’ll get my bed from Portland delivered before too long and you can sleep downstairs with me whenever you want,” Sirius said.

“Great,” Remus said, wishing he and Sirius could just spend an entire day in bed together, instead of dealing with people and food.

“I guess I should take a shower. Get ready,” Sirius sighed.

“Probably. Is your brother coming?” Remus asked.

“I don’t know. I hope so. I hope Abby convinces him but… I worry he’s not ready,” Sirius said.

“Well, I hope he does. I look forward to getting to know him,” Remus said.

Sirius softly chuckled.

“I’m sure he’ll tell you what an awful big brother I was. I wasn’t always very… nice,” Sirius admitted.

“We all grow up. It’s OK to make mistakes. As long as you learn from them,” Remus said, kissing Sirius’s shoulder.

“That’s what I’ve been telling myself the last couple of days. Portland was a mistake. I guess I’ve learned from it,” Sirius said.

Remus pulled away from Sirius and searched for his shirt. Sirius seemed to take the cue and started to put on his clothes as well.

“And what did you learn?” Remus asked.

“That I need to communicate better. I need therapy. I’ll look for a therapist on Monday,” Sirius said.

“Good. That’s good,” Remus said, pulling on his socks.

“I just feel… weak. Like I should’ve been stronger,” Sirius said, pulling his shirt on over his head.

“That’s ridiculous. You are only human. And look, I know it seems like I was fine but honestly the only thing that kept me going was working on the rewrite of Reliquary of Blood. I saw a lot less of James and Lily than you think. Hell, in all that time I still probably saw more of you than I did of them,” Remus said.

Sirius laughed.

“That’s ridiculous,” Sirius said.

“ _You’re_ ridiculous. Now go get a shower,” Remus said, popping Sirius on the butt.

“Ooo. Bossy. I like it,” Sirius winked, patting Remus on the arm as he walked past him, out of the attic.

* * *

 

“Flitwick! Get down from there!” Lily shouted, picking up her cat from the kitchen island and setting him on the floor.

“Morning, Lils,” Sirius said, Flitwick racing past his feet.

“Hey! Morning. Oh, Sirius. You’ve never met Marlene. Sirius Black, this is Marlene McKinnon,” Lily said, gesturing at the very pretty woman who somehow looked elegant despite wearing flannel, jeans and a big cooking apron.

“Hi,” Sirius said, shaking her hand.

“Pleased to meet you,” Marlene replied, her British accent melting Sirius’s heart a little.

“The pleasure is mine,” Sirius winked and Marlene laughed, walking back over to the counter where she was stirring something in a large bowl.

“The food will be ready in a couple of hours. Have you heard from your brother?” Lily asked.

“Uh. No. I don’t think he’s coming,” Sirius admitted.

Lily gave him a sideways frown and silently nodded, opening and shutting the oven quickly.

“Well, let me know if you hear anything. There will be plenty for everyone,” Lily said.

“Will do,” Sirius said and headed into the living room.

“Hey, man,” Mary said, hopping off the sofa where he was sitting alone watching something on the TV.

Sirius gave Lily’s boyfriend a big hug.

“When’d you get in?” Sirius asked.

“An hour ago. How the hell have you been?” Mary asked grinning up at Sirius as he pulled away.

“Eh. Ups and downs. You know life. How about you?” Sirius asked.

“Well, I’ve started testosterone shots. For about a month. Some interesting changes happening,” Mary said.

“Yeah. You get used to it. And then it kind of plateaus,” Sirius explained.

“I’m still looking for a new name. It’s so hard. Part of me wants a cool name and another part of me… just wants a simple name,” Mary said.

“My family has the whole star thing going on. I guess I just stuck with it,” Sirius shrugged.

“That’s fair. Say, this is gonna be cool, right? Normally I’m like _fuck_ Thanksgiving, since my mom is Abenaki and my dad is Cherokee. But Lily explained it like we aren’t celebrating the pilgrims and Indians being friends. We’re celebrating… still being able to find love and family despite all the bigotry and awfulness in this country. And three fuckin’ trans people at the table? You, me and Marlene. That’s so cool,” Mary said.

Sirius smiled. Mary was right.

“Yeah. That is pretty cool,” Sirius said.

Voices came down the stairs. Peter and Dorcas were coming down.

“Hey, Sirius. Mary!” Dorcas said and ran over to give Mary a hug.

“Morning, Pete,” Sirius said to his friend.

“Morning. How was your first night back home?” Peter asked.

“Good. Good. It’s all good. Hey, come outside with me. I want to catch up,” Sirius requested.

“All right. Lead the way,” Peter said, gesturing at the front door.

* * *

 

“Hey, Marlene,” James said, approaching as she set out silverware on the dining table, dinner imminent.

“Hello, James. How are you?” she smiled at him.

“I’m good. I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re here today. I don’t want you to feel like you aren’t welcome,” James explained.

Marlene beamed at him and nodded.

“I feel very welcome. Exceptionally. I am nervous, I’ll admit. Lily has so many other partners. Sends the mind reeling, you know,” she said.

“Yeah. I’ve been working on a graph that explains the whole thing actually,” James said.

“Oh, really?” Marlene said, shoving her brown hands into the pockets of her jeans and tilting her head in interest.

James burst into laughter and shook his head.

“No, not really. Besides, Lily would just start dating someone else and I’d have to redo the whole thing,” James said.

Marlene’s mouth twinged and she looked away.

“I mean, probably not. Her plate is full and…” James drifted off, almost spilling the baby news on accident.

“If you have the baby, you mean,” Marlene finished.

“Yeah. That. And also Sirius is back now. Have you had a chance to meet him?” James asked, sitting down in a chair at the table.

Marlene also pulled out a chair and sat down.

“Yeah. Briefly a while ago. He seems nice,” she said.

“Oh God, your meeting must’ve been pretty brief if you thought he was nice,” James laughed.

“Perhaps so. But Lily likes him and I trust her. She’s a good judge of a character,” Marlene said, smiling sweetly.

“Yes she is,” James said, nodding at her.

Marlene laughed, looking embarrassed.

“Thank you,” Marlene said.

“Umm… listen… I usually say grace before big meals like this. But given most of us at this meal aren’t Christians and given the theme of this meal… I thought I’d offer it to you. I admit I know… almost nothing about Islam but…” James said.

“Oh. No, we don’t… We keep our prayers for meals quiet or silent. It’s not the same thing,” Marlene said.

“Oh. OK. Well, either way the offer is open,” James said.

“That’s very kind of you. But no. You should do it. Say what’s on your heart and God will hear it. It doesn’t have to be religious, does it?” Marlene said.

“No. I suppose it doesn’t. You’re right. Thank you,” James said.

Marlene snickered and stood up.

“About time to put food on the table,” she said.

James stood up as well.

“Marlene… can I give you a hug?” James asked.

“Please do,” she said, opening her arms and James embraced her, feeling very thankful.

* * *

 

So many were seated around the dining table that Sirius could hardly believe it. Lily and James sat at either end, as if they were the parents of this large family. Mary, Dorcas and Peter sat on the left side, Remus and Marlene sat on the right with a third place left for Sirius himself. A smaller table was set aside for Regulus and Abby if they were to show up but Sirius had given up hope of that.

He smiled around at everyone, sitting down in his chair, in-between Remus and Lily. Just then, there was a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it,” James said.

Sirius doubted it was his brother. They had others friends around town who could be stopping by. There was no reason to assume. He heard the sounds of James opening the door and greeting a pair of voices at the door and his heart began to pound. Sirius tried to will himself to remain seated, lest he only find himself disappointed but the urge was too great, so he stood up, casually strolling through the kitchen to the living room.

There they stood, removing their shoes next to the front door.

“Sirius!” Abby said, opening her arms for a hug.

Sirius laughed and went over, hugging her tight.

“It’s so good to see you,” she said in his ear before releasing him.

“Regs,” Sirius and hugged his brother, who already seemed to be letting his hair grow out again.

“Sirius. Sorry, we’re late. Traffic was intense. We had to leave at five this morning just get here,” Regulus said.

“God. You must be exhausted,” Sirius said.

“Mostly hungry,” Abby said.

“Well, there’s lots of food,” Sirius said, looking around for James but realizing he must’ve gone back to the dining room.

“Awesome,” Regulus grinned, following Sirius to the other side of the house.

“So, where are you guys staying? We can find space for you here,” Sirius said.

“We got a hotel, don’t worry. We’re heading home on Sunday,” Regulus said.

“Really? That’s great. I’ll show you around town,” Sirius said, feeling excited to have this unexpected extended time with his brother.

“Hi!” Lily said, and got up to give Regulus and Abby hugs.

“Hello, Lily! Goodness, the food smells so good,” Abby said.

“Ah, well, I hope it tastes as good as it smells. I had some help from Marlene. She’s way better than me,” Lily said.

“It’s all vegan?” Abby asked.

“Yup. One-hundred percent,” Lily beamed.

“Very nice,” Abby said.

“Your seats are over here,” Lily said, leading them over to the smaller table.

“Actually, if you don’t mind, Peter and I will take that table. It doesn’t seem right to keep Sirius’s family across the room,” Dorcas said, glancing at Peter.

“Yeah. We don’t mind,” Peter agreed, though Sirius didn’t think Peter looked completely truthful.

“Oh. You don’t have to!” Abby said.

“It’s fine. Really,” Dorcas said, smiling at Sirius, who nodded at her in gratitude.

Everyone in their final places, James stood up.

“So, I’m gonna say a few words. Today is a day that’s meant to remember that time the pilgrims were super chill and made friends with Native Americans. Obviously, that’s bullshit. But today we come together not because of that but in spite of that. We’ve all got different religions and backgrounds. Some of us come from different parts of the world. I just wanted to say that… I am thankful for you all,” James said.

“Right on, man,” Mary said, raising her glass and taking a drink of juice.

James smiled and said, “All right. Let’s dig in.”

Sirius picked up his fork. He looked around at his family and friends as they began to eat. This was a better feeling than any alcoholic drink he had ever tried had provided. It was good to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! With this entry we've now covered the entire first year of the story. The next arc will be longer than this one (around the length of Prisms.) I expect I'll start posting it sometime next year (just depends how long it takes to write... much like this arc I will want to wait until it's either completely written or mostly written before I start posting it.)
> 
> I'd recommend bookmarking or subscribing to the series. If you subscribe to this story I may post a small heads up chapter when I'm preparing to start posting the new one.


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